I ditch the diet

It’s that time of year again. We are entering the season of “New Year, New Me” diets. It’s time to offset the extra holiday pounds with calorie restriction. It’s time to get an overpriced gym membership and pick my fad diet of choice. Call me a Scrooge; I loathe this time of year.

When I was a preteen, the South Beach Diet hardcover book sat on my parent’s coffee table like the Bible. My mom read it with a highlighter and tried all of the recipes. Now, at 33 years old, I can see it has been 20 years since I rang in the New Year without a diet. Somewhere along the way, I began associating weight loss with self-compassion. Diet culture tells us the formula to looking and feeling better is food restriction.

But what if this idea of bettering myself with a diet, is actually a form of self-punishment? What if this process of constantly striving for thinness is actually killing me?

Biologically speaking, the natural way mammals respond to a period of starvation - or a diet - is to compensate with a binge. It’s literally hardwired in our brains and bodies to follow a diet with overeating. So, every time I ring in the New Year with a new diet, I am setting myself up for this cycle of failure. Diets are not designed to work. They are designed to keep me coming back and stuck in never ending self-hatred. (Kinda sounds like drugs.)

What if, this year, I made the resolution to practice asking my body what it needs and wants, rather than constantly rejecting its hunger cues? What if I vowed to properly fuel my body with three meals per day, plus snacks in between? What would happen if I stopped counting macronutrients and just ate whatever the hell I am craving?

I imagine giving up dieting will be challenging at first because it’s one of my oldest security blankets. I will miss the (false) sense of control my eating disorder has provided for 20 years. But, if I alter my intention to self-compassion, rather than self-punishment, diets no longer belong in my life.

Whether it’s the South Beach, Paleo, Keto, low-carb, low-fat, or low-calorie, being on a diet will not change my relationship with myself or the world around me. Self-compassion, self-trust, intuitive eating, and stretchy pants are much more practical and attainable “New Year, New Me” goals.

I ditch the diet. 

I take a self-compassion break

 Recently, upon arriving at work, the first thing my coworker said to me was, “OMG. I got so drunk last night. I think I am still drunk right now. Hahahaha.” My eyes got wide as I stared at her with an angry and judgmental gaze. Unable to respond, I walked away and cried alone in a nearby janitor’s closet.

I spent the rest of the day fuming and beating myself up for “overreacting.” Sometimes I get so furious my drug of choice is casually flaunted and joked about at work. Sometimes it feels like there are triggers around every corner.

A few days later, while venting to my therapist, I was introduced to what is called a self-compassion break founded by Dr. Kristen Neff. This is a quick mindfulness practice that can be used during moments of stress and emotional discomfort.

A self-compassion break involves the following steps:

1. Notice this is a moment of suffering

While crying alone in the closet, I could’ve taken a deep breath and reminded myself that this is hard. It is incredibly difficult to live in a world where alcohol use is everywhere. I can acknowledge my triggered state, which leaves me feeling hurt and stressed.

2. Remember: Suffering is part of life/the process

Next, as I continue to breathe deeply, I remind myself that it is normal to feel this way. Triggers and difficult times are a part of getting sober. I am not alone or crazy. I have all of you to share this recovery experience with.

3. Be kind to myself

Finally, I can combat this emotional discomfort with self-compassion. With my hands on my heart, I can take more deep breaths and shower myself with words of kindness. What would I say to a dear friend in this situation? What do I need in order to best support and protect myself? Furthermore, I can whip out my toolkit and self-soothe with essential oils, a cozy cup of tea, and dark chocolate.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to live in this world without encountering alcohol triggers. However, on the bright side, I can always take a self-compassion break—even in a janitor’s closet—when I start feeling shaky.

I take a self-compassion break.

P.S. Here is a short guided self-compassion break with Dr. Kristen Neff. Enjoy! https://youtu.be/uSNH5yvxylg