What is Normal Eating Anyway?

Yesterday I spent a good chunk of my day in our garden putting my green thumb to work. I've never been much of an outdoorsy girl or been able to keep plants alive, but for some reason I felt the need to give it a try. Surprisingly, my little outdoor adventure turned into a bit of a triggering situation as planting a bunch of vegetables brought back memories of my old, disordered diet.

To say my diet had become unreasonably rigid before I entered treatment would be an understatement. As I ironically began culinary school, one of the many ways I began to cut out food groups was to become a vegetarian. After learning about the appalling farming monopolies our country is currently practicing - thank you, Monsanto - I also began a local-foods-only diet. The local food movement is trendy in the culinary world right now after all, so it only made sense for me to jump on the bandwagon. Now add in my excuses to avoid anything containing high fructose corn syrup, food dyes, or any other ingredient I didn't recognize, and you can begin to understand the strict guidelines of my diet.

In my mind, surrounding myself with culinary geniuses gave me the perfect excuse to become a "food snob," even though it was literally killing me.

The treatment center I spent six months in, however, was on the complete opposite end of the food spectrum. Because they believed in the calorie counting meal planning strategy, every food I ate during my stay was packaged (as a way to easily count calories). Fresh fruits and veggies were off limits because they did not have an exact calorie count. Every time I go back to my treatment center to guest speak, we always have a good laugh as we think back to my first day and the impressive temper tantrum I threw after learning what I would be expected to eat. There was no way in hell those people were going to force me to consume those packaged products. I didn't even consider that to be "real food" at the time.

Occasionally I would have the option to plan frozen vegetables and dried fruits into my meal plan as long as they were perfectly measured. At one point, we all joked that planning anything healthy into our daily regimen was pointless because those low calorie foods took up too much room in our already bulging stomachs. After a few months, not only did I finally give into eating poptarts and little debbies on a daily basis, but I actually began to (I can't believe I'm saying this...) enjoy it.

(Let me just say that eating this way is definitely NOT recommended for healthy individuals. For eating disorder patients, however, it does not matter where the calories are coming from as long as the number being consumed is enough. Also, by constantly facing my fear foods, I was able to learn that I can eat "unhealthy" foods (in moderation) without gaining weight.)

Although I have been home for quite a few months now, I still struggle with estimating calories sometimes. Fruits and vegetables have made their way back into my diet, but I still get a little weird about having to ballpark those calories. The calorie counting meal panning strategy definitely works during the refeeding process, but its inflexibility makes it difficult to move away from after leaving treatment.

Like many things in life, I am currently searching for a place of balance with my food choices. Spending time in the garden yesterday did make me crave those super clean meals and even made me feel a little guilty for my recent "unhealthy" food choices. Those "I just want to eat like a normal person" thoughts were relentless as I angrily dug a hole for each plant. Maybe being alone in a garden with my thoughts wasn't the best idea I have ever had. 

 The optimist in me, on the other hand, is searching for the benefits of my current meal planning state. Most importantly, I have maintained my current weight since the day I left treatment, so that proves to me that meal planning actually does work. Also, I finally believe there is no such thing as a good food or a bad food. As long as I stay within my calorie limits I can eat whatever I want.

Sometimes I forget that my dietary needs are different than the "normal" person at this stage in my recovery. Every time I turn on the TV or listen to the radio I am bombarded with weight loss ads. Living in a society that places such a huge emphasis on being fit is aggravating. Eating disorder or not, the simple task of fueling our body has turned into something much more complex.

Yes, gardening was a little triggering yesterday, but it might actually be exactly what I need to break my strict meal plan. Growing a few of my own plants will allow me to enjoy a bit of moderation in my diet. I never thought I'd be trying to ADD fruits and veggies to my diet, but here we are.

My eating habits might never be completely normal, but who can honestly say they have a perfect relationship with food? Does normal eating even exist anymore? Maybe I'm not so weird after all.

Progress.

Eating Disorder or Disordered Eating?

Recently the term "disordered eating" has been getting a lot of buzz; but what does it mean exactly? Are eating disorders and disordered eating habits really that different? I felt the need to do a little research and find out exactly what the difference was...

According to the National Centre for Eating Disorders, disordered eating can be described as:

"Far more common and widespread than defined eating disorders are atypical eating disorders, or disordered eating. Disordered eating refers to troublesome eating behaviors, such as restrictive dieting, bingeing, or purging, which occur less frequently or are less severe than those required to meet the full criteria for the diagnosis of an eating disorder. Disordered eating can be changes in eating patterns that occur in relation to a stressful event, an illness, personal appearance, or in preparation for athletic competition. The 1997 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Study found that over 4% of students nationwide had taken laxatives, diet pills or had vomited either to lose weight or to keep from gaining weight."

Another definition from the National Eating Disorder Collaboration states:

"Disordered eating is when a person regularly engages in destructive eating behaviours such as restrictive dieting, compulsive eating or skipping meals. Disordered eating can include behaviours which reflect many but not all of the symptoms of eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder or Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)."

And just in case you need a few more statistics, an article from ScienceDaily.com titled, "Three out of Four Women have Disordered Eating, Survey Suggests," provides some shocking numbers:

• 75 percent of women report disordered eating behaviors or symptoms consistent with eating disorders; so three out of four have an unhealthy relationship with food or their bodies
• 67 percent of women (excluding those with actual eating disorders) are trying to lose weight
• 53 percent of dieters are already at a healthy weight and are still trying to lose weight
• 39 percent of women say concerns about what they eat or weigh interfere with their happiness
• 37 percent regularly skip meals to try to lose weight
• 27 percent would be “extremely upset” if they gained just five pounds
• 26 percent cut out entire food groups
• 16 percent have dieted on 1,000 calories a day or fewer
• 13 percent smoke to lose weight
• 12 percent often eat when they’re not hungry; 49 percent sometimes do

It is not shocking to me that this many people reportedly have unhealthy relationships with food; what is shocking to me, however, is the definition of disordered eating. This is just my personal opinion, but if a person is regularly engaging in eating disordered symptoms, such as binging and purging, then how is it possible that medical professionals can diagnose them with disordered eating instead of an eating disorder?

There are so many people in this world who are struggling every single day with their eating habits, but are afraid to receive help because they don't believe they are "sick enough," thanks to these stupid definitions. Again, just my personal opinion, but if a person's eating habits are getting in the way of their mental and emotional well being, then they should be considered "sick enough" to receive help.

One other thing that really pushes my buttons is when professionals do not believe a person has an eating disorder (or disordered eating or whatever other incorrect label is put on it) because they are not severely underweight. Let me repeat myself: If a person's eating habits are affecting their mental and emotional well being then they should be considered sick enough to receive help.

I'm not quite sure how this post helps my personal progress, but sometimes simply spreading a little awareness (or common sense) is good enough for me.

Progress.