Healthy Decision Making

I'm in a bit of a pickle and decision making is definitely not one of my strong points.

Summer is here. I am taking two online classes and one on-campus class, which will leave me with quite a bit of free time. One of the many things recovery has taught me is that an excess amount of free time leaves me all alone with my thoughts and that never ends up going very well. Sure, I need a little relaxation time, but like everything else in life, there needs to be a balance between work and leisure time.

Last week I applied for a job at a local golf course that has a pretty nice restaurant inside. With my background and experience in the food industry, I knew that I could easily land a job waiting tables there for the summer. With an interview scheduled in a couple of days, however, I find myself questioning whether or not taking this job would be a healthy decision.

Before I even left treatment, we decided that if I was to find a job, it would not be a good idea to work with food. Now that I am farther along in recovery, on the other hand, I feel like I should be able to handle it a little better.

As a way to easy my racing thoughts and poor decision making skills, I made a list of the pros and cons involved in taking this job. I realize that might sound a little childish, but sometimes seeing things on paper really helps me sort through my thoughts.

Pro - I have all the experience needed for this job. There is even a good chance I could teach the other serves a thing or two.
Con - This restaurant has a full bar, which means I would be working with alcohol all night. Every night. Big problem. Not sure risking my sobriety is worth any job.
 Pro - I have a thorough understanding of the importance of communication between front and back of the house.
 Con - Working in the food industry is stressful. Period. Back in the day, working front of the house meant I would be getting my work out in. Before I knew it I was in a "go, go, go" mode and was more focused on the number of calories I was burning than the customers themselves. Between lifting heavy trays and making seemingly endless trips in and out of the dining room, I knew I was burning a decent amount of calories.
Pro - I can keep this job throughout my entire college career. They are willing to work with my schedule and give me more hours in the summer and less hours during the school year.
Con - That much running around would definitely be an increase in my activity level, meaning it could easily affect my weight. If that does happen, I will be forced into a calorie increase, which is not cool.
 Pro - This job is literally five minutes away from my house and on my way to school. The location is perfect.
Con - Being around food has definitely gotten much easier since I left treatment, but there is still a part of my brain that screams "RESTRICT" when I see large amounts of food like that. My brain becomes overwhelmed with obsessive food thoughts and the ungodly number of calories in each entree.

So here's my dilemma - Do I take a chance and start job a that I know I will be darn good at or OR do I be cautious and look out for my health? Finding a job with that many perks in this economy is rare and I hate to complain, but what if I can't handle it? Recovery is about stepping outside of my comfort zone and pushing the limits; however, recovery is also stepping away from situations that are potentially harmful.

This post makes me feel like I am taking a step backwards in my recovery. A part of me feels like I should be able to handle this by now. It's just food, right?! Not so much. Maybe it's time for me practice what I preach and do what is right for my health, even if that means my job search will continue.

Progress.