This Is Why I Blog...

Some of the content I have published on this blog has probably been shocking to many of you. Why in the world would I want to share my deepest, darkest secrets with everyone? If you are thinking that way, don't worry, I wonder why I do it sometimes too. 

After my last blog post and the overwhelming number of responses I received, it made me think about why I keep publishing post after post. The crazy thing is, the reason behind posting has actually changed over time. I realize that this blog has not been around for all that long, but I can already see a trend of change over the course of a few months. 

Most of you might not realize that this blog actually started as a food blog while I was in culinary school. If that isn't ironic enough, wait until you hear the title of it... "Little Miss Food Snob." If that doesn't scream "I have an eating disorder" I don't know what does. Writing has always been something that has provided me a sense of comfort. Public speaking and social situations are definitely not my forte, so writing has become my go-to communication style over the years. 

As I was getting ready to leave treatment I knew I wanted to blog about my recovery, but I didn't realize I would get this into it. The first step I had to take was changing the name of my blog. Recovery is not possible as a food snob. Trust me. 

I honestly can't remember how the name Progression Obsession came to me, but I do remember wanting to write about my progress as a way to motivate myself. Which leads me to my number one reason for keeping this blog: It helps me keep track of my progress... obviously. 

I have said it a million times, but I will say it again. Recovery from anything or simply changing a bad habit can take time and patience. It can be frustrating and overwhelming. By keeping track of progress, no matter how big or small, however, it provides a sense of accomplishment. I can't tell you how many times I have felt like I am standing still in recovery, until I go back through my blog and remind myself how far I have come.

Here are a few more reasons why I initially started this blog:

-Helps me sort out my own thoughts and think rationally about a situation. This one is huge. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own head and irrational thoughts that it feels impossible to get through a difficult situation. By stopping to write about something, I am forced to step outside of the situation and it helps me gain a new perspective.

 -I love to write. It is my favorite way to communicate... I know I already said that once.

-Spread ED and mental health awareness. Eating disorders and other mental health disorders are difficult for outsiders to understand without personally experiencing something similar. This blog has slowly helped me explain my crazy thought processes to others.

As my blog has gained a little momentum, I have started noticing new reasons to keep blogging:

-Support. When I am going through difficult times, all of you have reached out to me and helped push me along. There is not an eating disorder support group within 100 miles of where I live, so this blog is like a constant fan club cheering me on.

-Hearing from others makes me feel less alone in this battle. Recovery can be a lonely place. All of the other people in my life are "normal" eaters and it's frustrating to constantly feel out of place.

A heartfelt letter & a bracelet of hope from a recovery buddy

-I keep meeting really amazing people. I have developed some email-pals, which a brilliant friend of mine decided is the new pen-pal, and have even received gifts from some incredibly thoughtful people. And I can't forget Libero Network. Without my blog I would not have landed such an awesome writing opportunity so early in my recovery. The only bad thing about it, on the other hand, is all of these special people live far, far away. Often in other countries. I guess that just gives me a reason to travel! :)

-Helps me realize I'm human, not crazy. This might be my favorite reason. Even though some of my readers have never struggled with an eating disorder, they still tell me they can relate to some of the things I write about. This blog has helped me realize that everyone has struggles and I am NOT crazy.

-Congratulations... yes, it's a bit selfish, but it's always nice to get a pat on the back once in awhile. I will be the first person to admit that sometimes I blog because I need to hear that I am doing a good job, but who doesn't need to hear that from time to time?

-Weight off my shoulders. By writing about all of this, I feel like I am freeing myself from years of pain and suffering. As my favorite saying goes, "You are as sick as your secrets," and my secrets have finally been set free thanks to this blog.

Phew, this post is quickly getting longer than I expected.

Publicly sharing my experiences is not something shy, little Kelsi would have ever dreamed of doing a year ago. With each post I publish, however, I feel the real Kelsi slowly coming to life. Which makes me think of another reason why I blog - I am finding myself through writing. Goodness, the list keeps growing! 

Thanks again for all of the love and support I have received as a result of this blog. Recovery might not be possible without all of you.

Progress.