Sunday, March 3, 2013

Birthday Week

When I was a kid, I had one request on my birthday; chocolate cake made from a box, with chocolate frosting out of a jar, and usually a big glass of chocolate milk to wash it down with. It was a chocolate overload and it didn't faze me one bit. This was my big day and I was prepared to put myself in a chocolate coma.

As I got older and my eating habits became disordered, however, I began requesting fat-free angel food cake with sugar free cool-whip and fresh strawberries. My special day had turned into a day of fear. Everyone would be watching me, making sure I ate my dinner AND my cake. I remember feeling trapped, overwhelmed and unbelievably guilty, even though it was my birthday.

Thankfully, my tastes and outlook have changed yet again.

Even though my birthday isn't for five more days, I went ahead and made myself a cake yesterday. This isn't just any cake, this is a monumental cake. Not only will I be turning twenty five (quarter of a century!) at the end of the week, but, thanks to recovery, I will literally be able to have my cake and eat it, too.

 I might have gotten a bit carried away with this cake, but I wanted to make sure it lived up to the occasion; and it certainly does. My twenty-fourth year was one I will never forget and this cake is not one I will soon forget, either.

The last time I used a pastry bag was at least two years ago, so making these butter cream roses took me more time than I like to admit. With pink frosting spread across every inch of the kitchen, I am thankful my mom wasn't home to witness the disaster I had created.

This past year was a lot like making this cake; I was entering territory that I had not experienced in a long, long time. Just like there was a day I could eat double chocolate cake without thinking twice, there was also a day when I could make butter cream roses without it taking five hours.

With a whole lot of time and patience, I was able to put my pretty pink cake together, kind of like I am putting my life back together.

This year has been a roller coaster for everyone involved in my recovery, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything. As I blow out my candles this year, I will simply wish for another year of progress in my recovery.

Not only am I excited that my birthday week is officially here, I am also looking forward to enjoying a piece of this cake everyday this week because I can. 


Also, for those of you who didn't hear, Progression Obsession is on the NEDA blog roll (View Here) for Eating Disorder Awareness Week!!! Happy Birthday to me! :)



  2. This cake looks delicious! You are an excellent baker if I must say so myself.
    I was never a fan of cake or chocolate even when a kid - I loved sweets, crisps and biscuits. Each birthday I would get a cake and I would never eat it. Just how I was I suppose.

    However since developing an eating disorder my birthdays have been horrible and dreaded each year because people suddenly assumed I wouldn't eat cake because I was anorexic - not because I didn't like it. Pure nightmare!

    But I am so proud that you are eating what you love :) It's a lovely feeling when you have the strength to do that! xxx

    1. Thanks Chloe!
      Birthdays don't have to be about cake; they don't even have to be about food for that matter. So if you don't like cake then that is perfectly okay- do what makes you happy on your special day. :)

  3. Happy Birthday ~*~!!! What a wonderful recovery you have. The cake looks so beautiful (I tend to pay an attention to a beauty than a taste even for foods...), and I feel joyful just feeling what you feel. I hope I will get to a place where you are now. I still freak out when I see sweets or any occasion involving eating especially deserts.

    Love, love, love! xoxoxo

    1. You WILL get there. Sometimes I think if I can do it, anyone can do it. Just give it time and be kind to yourself. The cake looks better than it tastes- I cheated and used a boxed cake mix haha.
      Thanks so much for the birthday wishes!!
      Keep fighting! <3

  4. Beautiful and very Yummy looking.

    1. Aw, thanks Becca! That means a lot, since you are a culinary expert, after all. ;-)

  5. Congratulations to you! Not only for 25 years, but for recovery, and for sharing it bravely and providing encouragement to others.
    That cake is a celebration, not only in the eating of it for you in particularly but for the creating of it as well.
    That is some creation! I am going to pin it!

    1. Thanks Wendy!! Its nice to have this week off to such a great start! Also, thanks for pinning- I will have to find you on Pinterest! <3

  6. So proud of you lovely Kelsi <3 This is an amazing step and the cake looks absolutely delicious.
    Happy early birthday! <3