I am a good person

The first time I met someone who had a drinking problem was in middle school. My dad was coaching my younger brother’s little league team and one of the kids had a mom who was obviously struggling. I remember hearing stories about her dropping her kid off to practice and then forgetting to pick him up because she had gotten drunk. Or she would show up to games highly intoxicated and highly obnoxious.

What I remember most is the language we used around this situation. There was no sympathy or empathy. There was only judgment and fear. She was the person everyone used to moralize their own drinking, to compare themselves to. People called her a hopeless, raging alcoholic. The way people talked about her made me believe she must be a bad person.

Ten years later I was arrested for my first DUI. My biggest fear came true. I grew up to be just like that lady who my parents, society, and the criminal justice system said was a “bad person.” How was I going to be normal or respected ever again after being labeled an alcoholic? Does everyone talk shit about me the same way they talked shit about her?

Last week on her podcast, Glennon Doyle introduced the idea of being a good person who does less than ideal things. She said we should all practice saying, “I am a good person who ________,” instead of “I am a bad person who _________.” For example:

I am a good person who used to self-medicate with alcohol.

I am a good person who used to struggle with bulimia.

I am a good person who currently struggles with overexercising.

I am a good person who has big emotions.

I am a good person who has been arrested 5 times.

I am a good person who needs extra support.

I am a good person with an imperfect past.

This makes me wonder what would happen if we used this language to change the narrative around addiction. There is incredible shame that comes with repeatedly saying, “Hi my name is Kelsi and I am an alcoholic.” What would happen if I said, “Hi my name is Kelsi and I am a good person who used to drink,” instead?

In my experience, it seems like we teach kids from a young age that drug addicts and alcoholics are bad people. They are not to be associated with. They are trouble. It makes sense that I carried around a big ol’ sack of self-hatred for becoming like that lady from my childhood. It makes sense that addicts like me have a hard time getting better in a world that looks down upon them. It makes sense that I developed a belief that I am a bad person.

What doesn’t make sense is that I was expected to somehow heal after constantly receiving the message that I am bad. It’s time to change the dialogue. Addicts and alcoholics are not bad people. We are good people who have been traumatized. We are good people who don’t have access to adequate care, all we have access to is stigma. We are just regular people with huge hearts and extra sensitivities.

I wish I could go back in time and talk to that lady from my childhood. I wish I could hear her story, give her a giant hug, and tell her she is a good person. Imagine what type of world we would live in if we changed the language and told all addicts they are good people.

I am a good person.