Three Years of Ted

Yesterday marked three years since I unexpectedly brought home a 14lb havapoo dog named Teddy. Reflecting back on that time feels painfully tender because my life was in shambles. I was living in an apartment I couldn’t afford. I was illegally driving an old ragtop Volkswagen Beetle that I bought without a driver’s license. I was hungover more days than not. My drinking landed me in a giant web of lies that I couldn’t keep straight. Who was I to think I could handle a dog?

Ted’s crate barely fit in the back seat of the Beetle as we drove away to start a new life together. I will never forget how scared he was, how scared we both were. Ready or not, this little guy was now fully dependent on me.

I have been struggling to write this for days because relentless dog mom shame surfaces when I think about that first year with Ted. Witnessing my final drinking days must have been traumatizing. When I first brought Ted home, I had given up hope that my life would ever get better. I created a story in my head that said I must be a stupid failure for having zero success within AA’s framework.

But, when I zoom out and look at the big picture, all I see is progress. For the first time in years, something became more important than figuring out where my next drink would come from. Hungover or not, Ted and I started prioritizing daily walks at a local park. His eating schedule helped improve my eating schedule. Before I knew it, I found myself putting more and more days between each drinking episode.

Ted taught me about a type of love that I can only describe as unconditional. Prior to Ted, I was looking for love in all of the wrong places. I was searching for something external to mend my inner turmoil. Ted’s sweet little face taught me that I was worthy of love even while I was still drinking. He brought a bright healing light to a dangerously dark time.

Three years of Ted has reignited hope. Next week we will celebrate 20 months of alcohol-free days together. When I stop to think about how much my life has changed in three years, the bad dog mom shame dissipates. Untangling myself from the web of lies hasn’t been easy, but it’s been possible with Ted by my side.

Three years of Ted has been the greatest gift I could ask for.

Three years of Ted brought me into sobriety.

Three years of Ted saved my life.

Progress.