Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Perks of Being in Recovery

"This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite."~Perks of Being a Wallflower

Last night, like the true nerd that I am, I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower for the millionth time and enjoyed it - with tear soaked cheeks - just as much as I did the first time I saw it. The main character is dealing with his own inner demons, but as the movie progresses, he finds a group of friends that help him discover his worth.

The use of the word 'infinite' in this movie reminds me of my own recovery. The dictionary defines infinite as, "immeasurably or inconceivably great or extensive" and "subject to no limitation or external determination." Thanks to recovery, I often feel infinite. In this moment, the possibilities are endless and I can become whoever I choose. My life feels brand new and every single day I recognize a new 'Perk of Being in Recovery.'

In honor of this movie, I thought I would make a list of my "Perks of Being in Recovery:" 

~Genuine, uncontrollable laughter
~Having future plans and actually feeling confident that my dreams will come true someday
~No more lying and manipulating those closest to me
~Clear thinking patters, retaining information, and getting a 96% on my most recent exam
~Healthy, shinny hair and strong nails
 ~Buying clothes in actual women's sizes - I am 25 years old after all
~Feeling a million times more comfortable in social situations
~Full fat lattes
~Having the opportunity to find out who I am without my eating disorder
~Connecting with others who have similar struggles
~Constantly feeling a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small my progress may seem
~Not having to worry about whether my last meal will make me gain weight
~Pasta and warm bread with butter
~Not having the number on the scale dictate my mood for the entire day
~Ability to save money because it is not constantly spent on binge foods
~Did I say bacon?
~Comfort from my meal plan - knowing I won't gain or lose weight
~Actually eating candy out of my Easter basket this year without any guilt
~Inner beauty and confidence
~Going to family gatherings & not freaking out when I see all the food
~Ice cream
~Learning that fullness will not kill me - it does pass
~Letting go of shame, guilt, and fears
~Realizing that I am good enough
~Discovering my assertive voice
~Walking and playing with Muzzy everyday 
~No more constant headaches
~Knowing my mistakes don't make me a bad person
~My parents don't have to worry about me every night
~I paid a lot of money to learn how to cook & now I can actually enjoy it
~Knowing that I can endure difficult times and survive
~Learning to trust my healthy conscious 
~No more obsessing about what I eat or don't eat

The best part is, I could easily keep going. The number of 'Perks of Being in Recovery' does seem infinite.



  1. This is beautiful :) Good luck with your recovery xx

  2. well referencing my favorite book of all time makes me smile but then going on about recovery in this light is even more inspiring. All of this should and can be a list that you continue to add to. I could write a ton of perks as well... guacamole would be one of them too.

    1. It's one of my favorite books too! I just might have to reread it soon. I hope you enjoy writing your list of perks. :)

  3. Kelsi,
    You made me tear up. This is a beautiful post.Life is so much more enjoyable when it is bigger than an eating disorder.Keep it up, you're amazing.

    XOXO Rebecca

  4. Your list made me feel so good. I felt love, warn, smiles, laugh, hope and etc. I am still having a hard time to push myself for my physical recovery... but keep trying. At least, I am trying "not restricting".

    1. One step at a time is all you can do, so not restricting sounds like a great place to be! Good for you! :)

  5. I want those things so badly.... but they still seem impossible to me :(
    how do i make that leap into recovery on my own? its just so hard.

    1. I think the best thing to do is take it one step (or meal, or bite) at a time. In the beginning, it literally felt like I was crawling before I could stand on my own two feet, but each day seemed to get a little better. It did seem hard (and impossible) for a long time, but try to focus on all of things you are doing right and how far you have come! xo <3

  6. "Learning that fullness won't kill me - it does pass." Thank you for that, Kelsi. I am still in process of learning that myself. xxx (:

    1. Fullness is the worst. I still get irritable when I feel too full, but your body does adjust and you will start to get used to it. You just have to keep eating haha. <3

  7. Oh my goodness. My heart is swelling with pride for you right now, Kelsi! YOU are one cool lady for even thinking this one up, but on top of that, making a list of the perks!

    Keep on finding all those perks, I will too!

    Love you girly! Xx

    1. Thank youuuu Kenzie!! You are pretty darn cool yourself! Love you :)