Friday, November 8, 2013

Overshooting Set Point & Kristi's Story


A few weeks ago I wrote about overshooting set point weight without having any personal experience of my own. I just wrote what I knew about it hoping people could relate. Luckily, a friend of mine was willing to share her experience with overshooting and I'm posting it here today. The best part of her story is even though she went above her goal weight, she is still learning to love and accept the weight her body is now settling at. Thanks, Kristi!




"A prominent characteristic of life within an eating disorder is devaluing one’s self to being nothing more than a number on the scale. Having value in the world is not reflected in personal dreams and aspirations, impact on the lives of those around you, or the love and value that others around you offer to you. It all comes down to a number. “If I can just get down to X-lbs then I will be a better person.” But the catch is that reaching a number is never enough to increase perceived personal value.

In treatment, as mental stability and awakening is revitalized with finally feeding your body the nutrients and calories it needs to function properly, life’s meaning is no longer contained to a small box. The world opens up and once again we can truly live and not just [hardly] survive. With this it gradually becomes easier to accept a healthy goal weight and a body that regains shape, form, and the very much dreaded [healthy!] fat.

So you finally come to accept your new, healthy body and weight. You can rock what you’ve got and carry yourself with confidence. But what happens when something goes awry somewhere down the road and you begin to gain more weight?

This is what happened to me. Twice.

Thanks to genetics, my thyroid became severely underactive, which results in an underactive metabolism and significant weight gain. A couple months before diagnosis I noticed the gradual increase when I would try to put on my shorts or my jeans or my bathing suit and my body just did not look or feel the same in them. By the time I was diagnosed, I had already gained almost 20lbs. That was a self-esteem crasher. But I was hopeful with the disease getting under control thanks to medicine that the weight would fall off.

But the opposite happened.

Around the same of my hypothyroidism diagnosis I was started on a new medication to address an entirely different mental health issue that was going on. Thanks to that medication, not only did it not allow the weight to come off, but it added 10 more pounds.

I had been stable in my eating disorder recovery for several years before the dreaded 30lb weight gain. But it didn’t matter; my world was rocked.

I’ve spent the last six months trying to relearn how to not fight and hate the weight gain or my body. I’ve been reminded that fighting and hating will make it much more difficult to learn to accept it. Instead I need to accept my body as it is, and continue to treat it right with healthy behaviors and I will begin to find confidence in that way. Doing so has not only adjusted what I see when I look in the mirror, but has also helped me learn to trust my body all over again.

I’m definitely not all the way there yet. But each day I make a little more progress, and that’s all I can ask for now."


A huge part of this blog is weight and body acceptance regardless of BMI or society's ideals of thinness. I am beyond honored to feature Kristi's story here on my blog. Honestly, I still fear going over my set point weight. So to hear it is possible to to find acceptance at any weight is incredibly encouraging. Thanks again, Kristi!

Progress.

12 comments:

  1. This is so incredibly inspiring and motivating! Thank you Kristi for being such a postive role model!

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  2. ohmygosh. i recently went over my set point. this post could not have come at a better time! thank you both for shedding some light on this topic. xxx

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    1. Great, I'm so glad it could help! Best of luck to you.

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  3. Thank you for providing a space for Kristi to tell her story, and what a brave and honest story it is. Learning to love our bodies and to treat them healthfully no matter what the shape or size is such a positive goal. I want to be at the place where my body is not the battleground for my mind and stories like Kristi's give me hope.

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    1. These stories give me hope, too. Our bodies will constantly be changing throughout life and it's good to know acceptance is possible.

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  4. I can relate to this story and I give major props to Kristi for sharing such a vulnerable time, I still know this is one of the hardest points of recovery to talk about in my experience. Because out of it, you know it was worth it, but when you are in this point it is so tough to realize you are way better than any overshooting of weight that happened.

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    1. Yeah, I really can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must be. I will be sure to pass along the praise to Kristi!

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  5. Kristi's story is so inspiring, and it gives me a huge "HUGE" comfort inside me. Knowing that my obsession to a body image and the number on a scale is a sympton of underlying issues, yes, I have been feeling awful everyday lately. Kelsi, you should be getting my email soon <3

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  6. I wonder if one of the reasons that this is so common is that the initial goal weight is unrealistic? When I entered recovery, my treatment team set a goal based on my highest weight after puberty. However, I had been actively restricting since I was 10. So even though that goal weight was much healthier than my weight when I entered treatment, it still didn't reflect a healthy place for me. Add on the fact that that weight was at 14 years old and several inches shorter, and it make sense why my final set point was higher than my goal weight. However, at the time I overshot it was pretty damn traumatic. I wish we could find a better metric of restored health. At my initial goal weight I still didn't get my period, still was suffering a lot of the physical symptoms of malnutrition and was still restricting. I'm now at a weight that would have appalled me had it been my goal when I entered treatment but am the healthiest I've been in my entire life. The trick is learning to trust our bodies. And obviously if we could do that well, we wouldn't have needed to be in treatment in the first place!

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    1. That is very possible. I often wonder how different treatment centers come up with what someone's goal weight should be. Mine used our pediatric charts and patterns to guess where our weight should be. But I don't know how that would work for an adolescent or someone who struggled with an ED for a very young age. I'm sorry to hear you went through all of that, but am glad you are beginning to figure out where your weight should be!

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