Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Vulnerability


“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult 
as spending our lives running from it. 
Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky 
but not nearly as dangerous as giving up 
on love and belonging and joy— 
the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. 
Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness 
will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 
-Brené Brown

When I think about the word vulnerable, the first thing that comes to mind is weakness. I associate being vulnerable with being exposed, imperfect, and fragile. Vulnerability is defined as easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally or emotionally and open to attack, harm, and damage. After reading the definition, I can understand why vulnerability is often seen in a negative light.
 
But is it really that bad to be vulnerable?

A few weeks ago I saw this TED talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability and ended up watching it three times in a row hoping to soak up every ounce of what she was saying. Here I am a few weeks later, finally able to absorb and process what her message.
  
According to Brown, our go-to reaction to being vulnerable and experiencing pain, sadness, grief, and uncertainty is to numb out. I write about numbing out all the time in this blog. Those of us who struggle with eating disorders avoid difficult emotions and often fear being vulnerable. Being vulnerable means letting go of the false sense of control the eating disorder provides. Being vulnerable means allowing others to see our hurt and imperfections. Being vulnerable means removing the masks we wear to disguise our true feelings.
 
Being vulnerable also means, however, experiencing joy, love, and compassion. I have met people (including myself not so long ago) who think shutting off all emotions is the only way to avoid being vulnerable and susceptible to hardships. To an extent that is correct, but I think the lack of meaningful relationships and happiness is worse than the risk of getting hurt. 

Now that I have had time to process all of this, I no longer believe vulnerability is about weakness. In fact, I think it takes an incredibly brave person to open themselves up to this ugly world we live in. Yes, staying stuck in the numb and lifeless state that is an eating disorder might seem like the best way to avoid life's struggles, but it also eliminates the opportunity to experience anything. Being vulnerable is about taking that leap of faith and accepting myself enough to keep moving forward.

Back to my original question - is it really that bad to be vulnerable? I guess it depends on what you want out of life. If exposing your authentic self and dealing with unwanted emotions is too much to handle, then yes, being vulnerable is a bad thing. By accepting vulnerability, on the other hand, you are given an opportunity to live a much fuller life. 

Brown says it best, "Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage." I've had my fair share of troubles and heartaches, but through vulnerability I have also been able to put the pieces of my life back together.

Progress.

12 comments:

  1. I think being vulnerable is finally being able to admit that you can't control every possible little thing...and that's okay! When we are finally able to open ourselves to flexibility, spontaneity, and the chaos of the world, and stop running from it, we become vulnerable, but we become authentic. I think vulnerability means letting go and embracing the life exactly how it is. Thank you for highlighting a really difficult and emotional part of recovery and for reminding me that emotion, and in a way surrender, is a good thing:)

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    1. And I think that is very well said! Have a great week :)

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  2. Brene Brown's TED talk is so inspiring, as are the books she writes. Her perspective on vulnerability is so refreshing and to me seems completely right. When I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, those are the moments I've grown the most and also when I've seen the true compassion of those around me.

    You embody the brave type of vulnerable with every post you write, Kelsi, and you help so many people by doing so. Thank you.

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    1. I haven't read any of her books yet, but I will have to add them to my list! I'm sure I would love them too. Thank you for such kind words.

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing this and the link. It made me emotional and cry. I have understood vulnerability correctly as most of dictionary would say, but this video has a whole a lot more depth to it. I loved it. Thank you. <3

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    1. Aw I'm glad you were able to watch the video! I understood it differently for a long time too. Do I owe you an email? These past few days have been a little crazy. We'll talk soon! <3

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  4. That's ok, Kelis :) Don't feel like you owe or you are responsible for emails. There is no obligation or responsibility for a friendship. Don't need to write a long email either. Whenever you feel like it... I am very thankful for you and your blogs! <3

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    1. Oh don't be silly! I'm not THAT busy ;-)

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    2. haha. I am a very serious person, you can tell. <3

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  5. Youre so right, only when we are at our most vulnerable, can we truly see who we are :)
    i havent forgotten your email hun, im just crazy busy at the moment and not home till the weekend... but i will write soon!!! x

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    1. Oh no problem! I've been bad with email myself lately. :)

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  6. You are so stong your vulnerability is your courage.
    I love Brene Brown I have all her books if you would ever like to borrow them
    xx

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