I am worthy of rest

Hi, my name is Kelsi and I’m an extreme napper. Yesterday I had the luxury of taking 3 naps. It was incredible. Admittingly though, I feel guilty saying that out loud. It can feel like such an indulgence to nap while tired. My question is: Why?

My extreme napping skills were passed down from my dad. When I was a kid, he would nap during the day whenever he got the chance. My mom, on the other hand, would huff and puff and loudly tidy up the house because she didn’t understand how someone could rest during the middle of the damn day. According to my mom, productivity equaled worthiness.

When I was in college I’d attempt 17 or 18 credit semesters, while working 30 hours a week (and mastering my car napping skills) because I thought that’s how it worked. My best friend at the time, who graduated with honors and a full time job, also believed there was a direct correlation between her daily output and her self-esteem. 

Endless work + minimal rest = success. 

It seemed like a simple enough formula.

Every time I went to rehab, our schedules were filled from 7am until 9pm with group therapy, meetings, meals, crafting, trips to the gym or library; anything to occupy our addict brains. We definitely weren’t worthy of naps.

Now, with the help of a therapist, and after experiencing lockdown, I am learning how important rest actually is. As an introvert and easily over-stimulated human, rest is essential to my overall wellbeing and general functioning. I was exhausted for 20 years. It makes sense that I used alcohol, or anything I could get my hands on, in order to survive the day.

In my perfect world, naps would be a requirement for sobriety. As Glennon Doyle would say, we become like exposed nerves when we get sober. Everything is hard and everything is emotional. Everything is changing and everything is surfacing. Here’s a radical thought - maybe rest actually helps us feel better.

Let’s create a new formula and ditch the shame, shall we?

Endless work + minimal rest = torture, self-abuse, emotional instability, addiction

Meaningful work + prioritizing consistent rest = self-compassion, space for healing, potentially fewer emotional meltdowns at the grocery store

I took three naps yesterday and that’s okay. I am worthy of rest.