I redefine showing up

Whenever I think of Glennon Doyle’s earlier work, these words echo between my ears, “Just show up, Glennon. All you have to do is show up and do the next right thing.”

For most of my life, I thought showing up meant never leaving the house without makeup or clean hair. Putting together the perfect outfit, as part of my morning routine, was a dramatic hurricane of emotions, negative self-talk, and flying clothes. When I finally did leave the house, I never forgot to plaster on a bubbly fake smile because I believed niceness was the path to belonging. I thought showing up meant having a full social calendar and a perfectly Instagram-able life.

I thought doing the next right thing meant finishing college and landing a full time, salary, casual-jean-Friday-type job. I thought doing the next right thing meant striving for an expensive fairytale wedding, buying a house, and popping out a few babies all before the age of 30 (none of which happened, btw).

All of my next right things were based on cookie cutter societal norms. It seems like, somewhere along the way, society taught me that showing up meant masking, dulling, and suppressing my truest self in an effort to gain external validation.

Now, in an effort to maintain sobriety and fight off emotional meltdowns, I decided to redefine showing up by adding some self-compassion. My therapist encouraged me to list 3-5 ways I can show up for myself by using self-compassion each morning. 

Today’s list says:

1. Pay off an overdue bill

2. Listen to my favorite podcast while coloring

3. Eat an extra helping at dinner (I have been working to gain some healthy curves)

4. Take a long nature walk with my dog

Past showing up for myself lists include things like: limiting news, social media, caffeine, and marijuana consumption, consistent sleep hygiene, being honest with my therapist, budgeting, hydrating, Tempest calls, videos, and community, doing laundry and the dishes, setting boundaries, engaging in creativity, taking vitamins, having tough conversations, scheduling quiet time, cheering myself on, practicing Hygge, welcoming all emotions, and wearing comfy clothes.

While Glennon is right about showing up and doing the next right thing, in order to maintain my own sobriety, I need to make sure I am not showing up for external validation. Now I understand showing up, especially during recovery, is actually about finding ways to incorporate self-compassion into the chaos of my everyday life.

I redefine showing up.