Leaps of Faith

Phew. How are we approaching mid-December already? Usually, December is a time for reflection and setting intentions for the New Year, but this year I have barely had any time to catch my breath. Last week I started not one but two new jobs. I knew last month when I left my old shitty kitchen job that I was taking a leap of faith. I knew stepping into a new job role would be draining. I knew having my daily routines thrown out of whack would be destabilizing. I also knew that the Universe would catch me if I remained alcohol-free.

However, I did not know the Universe would grant me two job opportunities at the same time. It has been a tough week, but I am finally starting to come out on the other side. I am finally rediscovering my center while living in the messy middle.

The first job, I am a little embarrassed to say, is as a barista at a popular chain coffeehouse where I am incredibly overqualified. On the first day of training, I was so nervous and rattled with thoughts of being a “loser'' that I got dizzy and fainted (lol). After more than a decade of fine dining and coffee industry experience, it feels excruciating to show up as an entry-level employee. I am struck by grief and shame each time I see past schoolmates and past coworkers post on social media about opening restaurants, founding thriving kombucha companies, and creating lattes named after Taylor Swift songs (who wouldn't want a Lavender Haze or a Snow on the Beach latte?!). Social media can feel like a big, fat reminder that I messed up my life.

The second job, however, is an actual paid writing job (eeeeeekk!!!) for a mental health website called HealthyPlace. My job will be to write essays debunking addiction myths. Because this job pays, I believe this officially makes me a professional writer, which has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t pay nearly enough to cover my bills, but that’s okay because the Universe also gave me a part-time barista job to get me by financially.  A girl has to start her writing career somewhere, after all. 

I took a leap of faith and the Universe caught me, just as I knew it would. Every time thoughts of being a “loser” creep into my mind, I can combat them with “professional writer” thoughts. My life might not look like everyone else’s life. I might not have a “real job” or a perfect criminal background, but I am chasing my dreams. And anyone who follows their dreams cannot possibly be a “loser.”

Progress.