Thursday, March 14, 2013

Things NOT to say...

Blogging while angry or irritated might not be the best idea I've ever had, so bare with me...

Six months ago, yesterday, I was officially discharged from treatment; it really feels like six years ago, though. It is highly doubtful there are many other people who take the time to recognize treatment anniversaries, but I do. So much has changed in this short half of a year; making it feel like years worth of progress have been made.

On my drive to school today, the sun was shining and I was feeling great about life; six months out of treatment and six months symptom free. There aren't too many things that are highly triggering to me anymore, which is a huge step in the right direction. There is an exception to everything, however, and today I experienced that exception, proving the irony of being triggered the day after my six month anniversary. Sometimes I think the universe has a sick sense of humor.

Today in one of my classes, I had a one-on-one meeting with one of my professors about the research paper, about eating disorders, I have been referring to recently in my blog posts. Before I knew it, our conversation about APA formatting, turned into a conversation about his beliefs and past experiences with eating disorders. He went into great detail about an anorexic woman he saw on the Dr. Phil show who weighed... I won't say it, because I know better than to say numbers, but he was not afraid to shout it out. His exact words were, "She looked like death."

Sorry, I had to use this picture.

As I sat there, trying to keep myself from giving him the finger, he continued to talk about his younger sister who went through a "phase" of anorexia; like it's just a phase that all teenage girls go through. A specific weight was also given in this story, pushing me over the edge. Next, a story of his best friend who was, "One of the worst bulimics he's ever seen. She would eat more food than I ever dreamed of, but would always mysteriously disappear after meals."


Oh, I forgot to mention, this professor knows specific details about my past and current place in recovery.

Needless to say, I was pretty useless during the rest of that class and the one that followed. Is this really how people view eating disorders? Do they really think it is just a phase that some girls go through? Do they really think Dr. Phil is a good resource to learn about eating disorders for goodness sakes?! 

I thought for this post, it would be a good idea to go over a few general things, that may not seem harmful, but actually are, while talking to someone in recovery from an eating disorder. It is also important to keep in mind, that everyone is different; what is triggering for me, may not be for everyone else. 

-Do not give specific numbers or weights. If someone weighed a lower number than I did during the depths of their eating disorder, it can automatically send me into an "I'm not good enough" thinking cycle. 
-Exercise. Sometimes it's easy to forget that exercise addiction is a very common eating disorder symptom and during recovery, there are often restrictions on the amount of exercise a person can do; if any at all. 
-Diets. Period. 
-"You look so healthy!" or "You look so good/great!" For a normal person, this would be a wonderful compliment to receive, but after gaining weight in recovery, "healthy" and "great" mean FAT in our minds. 
-This is not a phase. I honestly didn't even know that some people believed it was, so I don't have much else to say about that. 
-Do not comment on what or how much a person in recovery is eating. Trust me, they are already well aware of the abnormal amounts of food being consumed.
-Healthy vs. Unhealthy foods. There is no such thing in recovery, so don't even go there.
-"I wish I had the willpower to be anorexic." Yes, I have really heard someone say that before.
-Weight comments in general are a horrible idea.


What did I miss? I know there are plenty of other things that are potentially triggering, but this list should help spread a little general knowledge. 

As upset as I was this morning, however, I am proud of myself for surviving the rest my classes today; well, at least physically. Mentally I was in my own world. The past six months of my life, outside of treatment, have gone really well; but that does not mean my life is 100% trigger free.

In six short months, my life has completely changed; I can't wait to see what the next six months will bring!

Progress.

21 comments:

  1. This post made me laugh, while dealing with a very serious issue. That is not an easy thing to do through writing. You nailed this one. xxx

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  2. Girl!!! Good post! Now I'm all worked up and angry at jerks living in ignorance. But worked up all in the best of ways that is :)

    xxoxo heal-by-hope Kristi

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    1. Haha, yes there is a definitely a difference in way to get worked up! Thank you! <3

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  3. Woops! I am pretty sure I violated the "you look so good" rule. Sorry I will be more mindful! (Great post btw :))

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    1. Hahaha Riki, it's alright. That doesn't bother me anymore. It doesn't lead to fat thoughts now, thank goodness! ;-)

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  4. you're amazing, kelsi! i agree 100 percent and can't stand when people say stuff like that!

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    1. Thank you! I was worried about this being too much of an "angry post," so this means a lot. <3

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  5. So true... a triggering comment can derail even the most toughest person. recovery is no easy battle and it takes strength and courage to push through those moments. Go you!! Im encouraged and optimistic that if i can tackle this recovery thing (and stop procrastinating about letting go of that anorexic "control"...) then i too can be free and enjoy the changes that life can bring :)

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    1. You ABSOLUTELY can be free and enjoy the changes life brings you! I'm excited to hear you are feeling optimistic about recovery- Go you!! :)

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  6. It is good to get feelings out, because they are toxic for eating disorder. It's still automatic to turn "a good girl switch" on when things are so spontaneous for me. I am learning =) Anger is a part of human being, and I am glad that you are a wonderful human being. xoxo

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    1. Best comment ever- thank you for the reminder! I am also very good at putting on that happy face and pretending like everything is fine. Maybe an angry post wasn't such a bad idea, after all! ;)

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  7. Kelsi,
    It has happened to all of us one way or another. I remember when I was going through divorce, some people thought that saying terrible things about my husband was in some twisted way an expression of support to me. They had obviously never been divorced.
    I have bipolar disorder. The movies depict bipolar disorder as someone who jumps off of high buildings and thinks they can fly....not exactly my life.
    If I do tell people I have it, actually, they are usually speechless. If they don't know me well they are probably thinking "I had better not say anything to her, she is crazy!"
    Most people don't really know the whole deal about eating disorders.I didn't until I started reading your blog. I know a lot about a lot of other mental disorders, but not this one.
    So, you are doing a service and educating people! Keep up the good work!
    That guy that said those things. In his own weird way he was probably trying to connect with you by talking about stuff related to eating disorders. He had no way of knowing that you wouldn't enjoy his point of view.
    Good that you expressed this, for yourself and for all of us.
    Wendy Love

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    1. Hey Wendy,
      I agree that the general population does not know the best way to approach mental health disorders in general- whether it's bipolar or Eds. I have calmed down a lot 24 hours later and agree with you, that he didn't know how else to approach it. It probably seemed like the only way he could relate.
      You are also right when you say we will all have to deal with this at some point or another, and probably not just one time. So, this will be a learning experience, just like the rest of my life! :) xo

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  8. amen girl!!!! my first therapist was sure that ED was just a "phase" for me because I was so young... it made me so mad and made me fall deeper into ED... you nailed it!!!

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    1. Yikes- I'm not sure how I would handle it if my therapist thought that. Good for you for getting out of that situation, Emily! <3

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  9. People say ignorance is bliss... I don't think so. Sometimes people have no clue what they're saying and they just come off as complete jerks who know nothing on the situation. Most the time, they're just ignorant.
    I've had my fair share of those kinds of people. My dad is one of them so I know how frustrating it can be.
    I'm so incredibly proud of you for A) making it through 6 months in recovery, B) NOT flicking your professor off, and C) making it through your day and not doing anything that could jeopardize your recovery. You are definitely an inspiration and I am so proud of you!
    This, my dear, is some SERIOUS progress! <3

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    1. The NOT flicking him off made me laugh. :) You absolutely right, ignorance isn't always bliss, especially in this situation. Going through that with family members isn't easy- I'm sorry you have been through that. <3 you!

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  10. How about "I wish I could be anorexic for like a week"

    Oh right.. and on the whole topic of how much food we eat in recovery...the other week a friend of mine confronted me asking if I was doing okay because she was concerned because I ate 3 pieces of pizza the week before at dinner and she was concerned that i was doing other things. ha. No... I'm doing great! I just wanted 3 pieces of pizza!

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    1. Haha well good for you for having those 3 pieces of pizza! I realize that people are just looking out, but just like we have a hard time with them not understanding what we are going through, they also have a hard time relating to us. It's a two way street. <3
      The "anorexic for a week" is a good one too!

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  11. Thanks for posting this :)

    I think the worst part isn't the random people you meet, but the people who should know better. I've just started studying psychology, and one of the teachers there said that fashion causes anorexia. (Said to a roomful of future psychologists...)

    We are doing psychopathology next year, from a psychoanalytical perspective, and I'm afraid we might be fed the stuff on refrigerator mothers or golden cages. Our psychoanalysis teacher has already told us that she loves seeing anorectics, that's a promising start :s

    Or girl at school, about CBT, said that "short term therapy might work on everyday things, like, you know, anorexia, where the girl needs attention" but wouldn't be intensive enough for "deeper problems, like, one friend [she] has, that always gets boyfriend who are jerks because of father issues".
    I'm pretty sure that the mortality rate is higher for anorexia than for always choosing boyfriends who cheat, but maybe I'm wrong? And she was in her 2nd year, too...

    Anyways, sorry for the long comment! But it's scary to see what other possible future therapists are saying or being taught!

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