How is it possible we are only fifteen days away from Christmas? How is it possible this is finals week already? I swear, just yesterday I was still wearing flip flops and working on my summer tan; today there are four or five inches of snow on the ground and temperatures aren't even supposed to peak in the twenties. Can someone please tell me where the time goes?!
Yesterday my mom asked me if I would put together a list of gifts I want for Christmas this year. I'll be honest, in years past this has been one my favorite tasks. My Christmas lists have always been a good page or two (or three or four) in length just in case my parents magically discovered extra spending money that year.
This year, however, I am finding it incredibly difficult to come up with much of a list at all. The two things I do have on my list are a haircut and a pair of jeans; both of which I could probably do without (well, except maybe the hair cut. I might end up taking a pair of kitchen scissors to my locks if I don't do something about this hair in the next fifteen days).
Maybe this is a sign of my old age officially kicking in. This year Christmas isn't necessarily about Christmas morning. While I was a kid, and while I was sick, the more gifts I unwrapped Christmas morning the better I felt about myself. I wanted to tell all of my friends I now owned the latest piece of technology - whether it was a computer or a phone or whatever. I wanted to show up at school after break in my new clothes because I knew everyone else would be doing the same. Christmas gifts gave me a false and very temporary boost in self-esteem and distracted me from actually enjoying the Christmas season.
Also, for several years Christmas was an anxiety-filled time for me. All of the family parties, cookies, and heavy winter comfort foods sent my eating disorder into panic mode. Rather than spending my days running around campus alone, not only was I forced to sit with uncomfortable emotions while on break, I was also surrounded by people who I thought had a close eye on my eating habits. Maybe recovery has taught me a thing or two about the joys of Christmas, too.
Again, this year is somehow different than Christmas's past. Maybe I have finally learned the road to inner peace forces us to dig much deeper than material things. Don't get me wrong, if I really wanted to come up with a longer Christmas list, I could absolutely do so. Instead, for a change, I think I will see what happens if I ask for less.
I just might be surprised and receive "more" as a result.