Wednesday, December 4, 2013

It's About Self-Care

Over the past few weeks I have had several people ask me if I am okay. Compared to the constant writing and publishing of posts the first year of my recovery brought, I have been slacking a little. My best friend recently asked if something had changed to cause this lack of blogging, but I was unable to pinpoint one specific reason.

Maybe I am avoiding certain uncomfortable emotions by not writing as much. Maybe this is a sign I am stepping forward into the next phase of recovery. Maybe I just can't think of things to write about everyday anymore. Maybe life is starting to become more relevant than the eating disorder.

I found this quote last night and thought it was perfect. A week or two ago I had a chat with my therapist about how I sometimes feel guilty for not blogging, which is silly. It has become such an important part of my recovery, so it makes sense why it might seem like I am struggling. I assure you, however, by taking a step back I am learning to practice a little self-care.

"Your needs don’t make you too much.
They don’t make you selfish or weak or greedy.
They make you human. We all have needs. 

And those hungers aren’t something we should feel ashamed of.
They’re normal, we didn’t get enough of them as children hungers.
Affections we’ve been deprived of by the people who are supposed to care for us.
Connections we needed to feel whole and spaces we needed to feel safe.
Cravings we’ve been taught we didn’t deserve.
Appetites we’ve learned to suppress and fill with guilt.
Again and again we’ve neglected our needs 
because we’ve been taught that they were too much— 
that we were too much.

But we don’t have to any longer.
You don’t have to.
Whether you need support, alone time, affection, connection,
validation, or reassurance that you are loved — 
it is more than okay to ask for what you need.

Making your needs known isn’t about being demanding or selfish.
It’s about self-care.
It’s about creating a safer space for yourself.
It’s about using your voice and speaking your truth.
It’s about giving yourself permission to take up space.
It’s about listening to your hungers and honoring them.
It’s about honoring yourself."
 -Daniell Koepke

I think this idea of practicing self-care during recovery (and life in general) is often overlooked. There have been countless occasions over the past year and a half where I have felt guilty for needing more time to heal. Time and patience can be incredibly irritating at times, but they also happen to be a huge part of self-care.

Right now I am doing what is best for my health and recovery by trying to find balance between my eating disorder/blogging world and the new person I am becoming without the eating disorder. I have a feeling writing will always be a part of my life in some form or another; this certainly is not the end of my blogging days. However, I needed to take a step back for a week or two and that's perfectly okay.



  1. Recovery is to feel free for who we are. Feeling too responsible for who we are and what we do is no longer necessary. Feel free for doing or not doing. Feel free for stopping or resuming. No one is judging us but we. Recovery is to have freedom, happiness and joy in our lives. We work to achieve it. There is a line, boundary, and the balance. I work on this too. You are just in the process, Kelsi. Enjoy the ride! I am trying too. Sometimes, it is just painful... hahaha <3

    1. Very well said, Kyoko. I think freedom is the key word there. And I totally agree it is painful at times! <3

  2. I am glad when you share your thoughts and I am glad when you recognize you need time away. The former feeds my soul and the latter shows that you are aware of the need to first feed your own soul. I learn from this. I am at a point (still) where I do not trust myself to know what I need. The eating disorder voice is so strong and I am conflicted by the nuances of life - every decision feels laboured and difficult. I long for the day (and I believe in it) when I can trust myself fully.

    1. You will absolutely get to a point where you can trust yourself. In fact, I bet you have learned to trust yourself more than you realize already! :)

  3. Self care as much as u need
    U are an inspiration and a ray of hope.
    I just sent u an email to ask one question
    U r my absolute inspiration thank u

    1. Thank you so much Triona! I've been really bad with emailing lately but you will hear from me soon! :)

  4. Thank u
    U have changed my life