Monday, July 20, 2015

Summer Lovin... And Wardrobe?

I recently had a fan of the blog email me and ask to write about a specific topic
(which I love! So please, ask away!!)...

"This is my first summer post-treatment and now that I am at a healthy
weight, it's scary to wear my summer clothes. I used to feel so nice about
wearing short shorts and tank tops, but now I'm noticing that I barely
recognize my body. It's scary, but I know that I look healthy; it's just a
sight I'm not used to. It makes me feel nervous, self-conscious, etc. Have
you ever experienced this? Do you have any tips? You are so gorgeous,
whether you're wearing a sweater or a sundress. I want to love my body in
all seasons. Thanks!"

This is difficult for me to answer because I am three years out of treatment and still struggling with body image myself. The short answer is YES, it is scary. It is difficult. But hang in there...

I wish the answer was simple. I wish I could say I am perfectly content with my post-treatment body three years later, but I can't. How are we supposed to feel confident in our skin after the adjustment in body weight post-treatment?!

Just a week and a half ago, I took a trip to Northern Michigan and spent an entire day on the water with girls who had 'perfect' bodies. 
It sucked.

I had my bikini on, but sweat through the little cover-up dress I had on. I honestly felt like the biggest girl there, even though I can look back on it now and see the amount of body fat I have was completely irrelevant.

I had a great time. 

I enjoyed the company around me and genuinely laughed.

I really enjoyed the food... Bagels (with full fat cream cheese) and an amazing tortellini pesto salad were two of my faves.

A few more favorite things...
Laughter as my silly friends jumped out of their kayaks and peed in the lake like kids.
An adorable three pound dog who ruled the house and became my best friend.
A new found culinary treat (The Little Fleet) that satisfied the food snob in me with the pulled pork nachos! Nom!
Visiting with one of my favorite culinary friends.
And of course, cheering on some of our best friends as they completed the Cherry Fest 5k, 10k, 15k, and (crazy people) half marathon.

Sure, I was worried about my weight.
Sure, my weight was 2-4lbs higher than it's been in 10 years.
Sure, I felt like the biggest lady there.

However, I found a way to enjoy myself regardless.
While in recovery from an eating disorder, it is extremely difficult to engage in summer activities. Whether that means wearing shorts, tank tops, or a bikini.. It's all intimidating, no matter how far along in recovery you might be. 

So, back to the original question, what tips do I have to survive summer after recovery?

Sundresses. Seriously. Wear them all the time. Find dresses that are flattering high on the waist. That's my biggest secret. High waist and belts at high waste are my best friend.

Color. If I'm trying on dresses, I try to find a color that compliments my skin tone. I'm super pale. So anything to contrast is wonderful. Think blues, greens (especially with the red tones in my hair), purples, and bright pinks.

COMFORT. This is the most important while in recovery, which is why sundresses are my go-to and I still default to them daily. Also, try not to look at the size. If it fits, it's perfect. If not, try a different size. Regardless of what the tag says. I have found I can go from a size 12 to a size 2 depending on the store so forget labels.

Again, COMFORT. Shorts can be difficult in the summer. Just this year I found myself too old or too big or too whatever to fit into shorts I wore last year. I was humiliated. How is it possible that I now need to buy shorts in the lady's department rather than in the juniors? It didn't seem fair. Luckily, once I found a pair that fit, I felt better about myself and my age... It was a double whammy.

Okay, let's get back to the original question....

How is it possible to feel comfortable in your own skin the summer after gaining weight?

To be perfectly honest, the summer after recovery was also the most difficult time for me, as well.
I hated my new body.
I wanted out.

It was difficult for me to see that fitting into sundresses and shorts was actually a good thing. It was difficult (and still is) for me to see my body filling out the clothes I am expected to wear.

The good news is, we are trying new things and asking important questions. Let's keep up the good work in recovery and begin to see body acceptance as a positive.

One day and one size at a time...



  1. That was beautifully written and great advice! Although I never suffered from an eating disorder, I have felt this way before and it is hard to overcome those feelings of self doubt and being consists of your body the way it is. I just try to focus on what is going on @ the moment and love myself as I love my life. Thanks Kelsi for the inspiring words!

    1. Hey, thanks Trisha!! What classes do we have this semester? I miss you can't wait to see you in the fall! :-) xoxo

  2. So much love, Kels.
    Thank you so much for expressing what we all feel.
    Xoxo <3

  3. Many thanks for covering this topic! It's ALWAYS helpful when you share and write. As we both progress in our journeys, you are still an inspiration! <3