It's hard for me to believe my first home trial weekend from RCC was three months ago. For those of you who don't remember my awesome golf skills from that weekend, here's a little reminder...
For the first time in a good three months, I was home. During those three months I hadn't seen my younger brother, Larsen, at all. Looking back on it now, all I remember is how nerve racking it was to see him again. Did he have any clue where I had been? Did he know I had an eating disorder? Would he notice my weight gain? Was he going to to say something to me about it? Should I bring it up with him? Would he even understand what an eating disorder was? So many unanswered questions; my mind was racing.
After he surprisingly agreed to hit a few golf balls with me in the backyard, it was obvious he knew more about my whereabouts than I had expected. Typically, he's home for about five minutes to eat something, shower, get a change of clothes, and then he's out the door heading towards one of his buddy's houses. As we were laughing at my perfect golf swing, I realized how special that moment was. Lars had taken time out of his busy schedule to spend time with me. Without using any words, he had answered all of my nervous questions and I knew he cared.
Sometime during our golf game, Larsen went inside with my dad to cool down and get a soda. Thanks to my Cronkright genes, I am pretty competitive- I kept working on my swing and didn't even notice he had left for a few minutes.
A couple of months later, my dad brought up that day. After laughing about it for a few minutes, he told me that while he was inside getting a drink with Lars, Lars said, "I have my sister back," with a huge smile on his face. Needless to say, I instantly started crying. I'm even tearing up now as I'm typing this. My brain was so distorted that I honestly didn't even think anyone, especially not my 20-year-old kid brother, could tell how sick I was.
Without knowing it, Larsen has been one of my biggest supports and inspirations to get healthy. The older I get, the more I realize how important family is. For most of my life I have been jealous of that kid. As total opposites growing up, I always felt like he was given all of the positive qualities I lacked and it wasn't fair. However, as I continue to get healthy, that bit of envy has grown into admiration.
After spending a good amount of time with my brother this weekend, I noticed I no longer feel like I'm known as "Larsen's sister." I no longer live in his shadows. Finally, I'm figuring out who I am and I'm so thankful he has been such a huge part of my recovery.