How many times have you thought or even said this? Just this past week alone, this thought has persistently been nagging at me. I've been tempted to cut a few calories here and there, choose lower calorie options and add a few extra minutes to my daily walk. Honestly, I have given into a few of these urges over the past week. I think most people can relate to that initial high and feeling of accomplishment after dropping a few lbs.
Thankfully, after stopping and realizing that these behaviors are red flags in my recovery, I was able to think more logically about what was happening. Sure, if my jeans slide on a little easier and my stomach is flat, it will feel good in the moment, but it will only leave me disappointed and wanting more. I quickly begin to crave that high instead of dealing with the things that are causing those behaviors.
If I have learned anything over the past six months, it is that the number on the scale, no matter what it is, will not make me happy. That number will never be good enough. My brain is in an intense game of tug of war between the healthy and disordered thoughts. If I lose weight, it's triggering. If I gain weight, it's triggering. If I maintain my current weight, it's triggering. It's a no win situation.
So for today, all I can do is recognize those distorted thoughts and remember that losing a few pounds will not do me any good. At all. I might not like it, but those few extra pounds will keep me healthy and strong.