Saturday, January 31, 2015

"It Could Be Worse"


I think I said the wrong thing at work tonight.
It might have been my first official screw up.

I was chatting with one of the residents about something I can't remember and said  
"things could always be worse."

Eeeeeekkkk. That's like nails on a chalkboard for the women at this shelter.

Things really could not be worse for these ladies. They are abused by their husbands, they have kids (this 25 year old had 5), and are unable to support themselves and their families financially. The only way things could be worse is if they were on the streets with their children.

The worst part is it is far from the mother's fault, yet they still end up in shelter.


As I am learning in my sexual violence class and from work, is these women are not at fault. More often than not, they are simply trying to please their pathetic assailants. As an effort to please their significant other, substance abuse or unresolved anger issues (or both) get in the way and keep these women from leaving the dangerous situation. Other factors like finances, fear, sense of belonging, and children might keep an abused women in her difficult situation.

To say "things could be worse" is simply unacceptable. Sure, things could be worse, but to remind these vulnerable women of their current situation in that way isn't a good idea. At all.

So I will continue to be humbled at work.



I had a four-year-old teach me the "nae nae" dance today.
She learned my name and came to office to say goodnight to Kelsi.
I can't wait to see her again in a few days when I work.
These are the moments I work for.

Even though I said the wrong thing today, I am learning. I will learn from this screw-up and never, ever say that again to these women. However, I am finding strengths and learning that I can do this.

This job is scary at times. But perhaps, if I simply show my genuine, empathetic self then I will be just fine. I cried to my boyfriend the other night that I don't fit in with these women, but maybe that's okay.

Maybe simply being Kelsi is enough.
Maybe it has taken me years to realize this.
But maybe that's okay, too.

Life can always be worse.

Progress.

4 comments:

  1. At what point does it become someones fault? If One is pursuing an illogical course of action (desiging their life to people-please someone who is clearly not worth people pleasing) and one pursues this path for years, is one not partly to blame for that choice? If a 25 year old has 5 children? Maybe she should have limited it to 2? Maybe her life would be much easier to manage had she made different choices? Are we not all responsible for our own choices?

    Attempts to deflect responisbility are your fatal flaw Miss. Cronkright, and you need to realize that there is only one person responsible for your life and your actions. You. Equally the residents at your place of employment have one person responsible for their lives and their choices. Themselves. Defelctring responsibility to the world and to others prevents true self healing and actualization and leads to a path of lifelong dependence that benefits no one.

    <3
    Annonymous

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  2. Hi, I have recently reached a weight that I am happy with (around 143 at 5'10 for a guy) and am looking to keep this. First to start out, I find that all of the weight went to my stomach and backside. I have read in many places that this is normal, and that it will re distribute, but still find it hard. My stomach is huge and jiggles, and can be very triggering at times. The biggest problem is that through my whole recovery, I would eat my meals (always trying to get proper nutrients in) but let myself do whatever in between. I always (pretty much every day for the five weeks since I started recovery from 125, binged on sweets, chips, anything really. The main problem is I still find this happening, despite being at a healthy weight. I have never lost the extreme hunger, and am scared of gaining even more. Like if I have one chocolate, I have more, then move on to other sweets, then peanut butter (my biggest love), and just move around the kitchen, taking bits of anything I want (Mostly the things I restricted). Is this bad, and will it ever stop? It seems like if I just don't eat the yummy foods, I can deal with it and not binge, but the second I have one, moderation goes out the window, and suddenly my appetite is un satisfiable and I can eat anything in sight. I am just worried that this is not only un healthy, but will make me overweight. For my recovery, I never counted calories for my binges or meals, but no doubt know I went over 5,000 calories on multiple occasions, probably every day as I would eat peanut butter like no one's business and I mean a HUGE amount of it in addition to meals. I just can't seem to find moderation and find my self constantly craving food in my mind.

    As a side note, I love how I feel, but still have trouble with body image, but I am working on it. As I wear a fitbit, it says to maintain I need 3100 calories, based on my activity level (Which is quiet high), just wondering if that seems right, because it would be awesome, I LOVE FOOD so MUCH!
    Thanks for reading this really long question, I appreciate it!

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    Replies
    1. Hey there! One thing I have learned is that your body will continue to crave food and you will kind of obsess over it until your body reaches a healthy weight. Your body is probably still in survival mode, meaning you binge on whatever you can get your hands on and can't stop. This binging is basically out of your control. It's a basic instinct. Even though your current weight probably feels like it's too high, there's a good chance you haven't reached a set point yet. You have made some great progress and that is wonderful. Just be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time. Best of luck!! :)

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