Freedom Has Been Found

A couple of weeks ago I was included in a cousin group text that said, “We’re at a wedding doing pictures and (the song) Family Tradition comes on.. We need a party!!!!! A good old [our last name] party with drinks, food, drinks, a dance floor, and drinks!!! Love you all!”

Let me be clear, I am not writing this as a diss or a jab at my family. It is possible that my cousin was drinking when she sent this; and I am the queen of sending damaging drunk texts, so I can’t judge her. I am writing this because I don’t think my story is unique. I think many of us come from families that bond, commiserate, and celebrate with alcohol.

When I was a kid, my family was everything. I looked up to my cousins and used them as the blueprint upon which I built my life. They influenced everything from my hair color to the way I dressed to the people I dated. And like it or not, my family’s normalization of alcohol was also highly influential on my adolescent brain.

For about a week after I received that text, I felt fueled by anger, resentment, and a deep-seeded sense of inferiority. But yesterday, while crying and biking around town with my dog, Teddy, I saw a sign outside a Methodist church that said, “Freedom has been found.”

Yes, it’s extremely painful to feel left out of family traditions because of alcohol, but what if I am actually the one who has found freedom?

My journey to sobriety has not been easy. I desperately tried to quit drinking for about ten years before it finally clicked. Instead of building healthy relationships, starting a career, and planning a family during my 20s, I was forced to survive the criminal justice system and all of the trauma our society places on us “alcoholics.” I felt like I was crazy, doomed, and forever chained to alcohol. There was zero freedom in my life.

Now, 16 months into imperfectly practicing an alcohol-free life, I can see there truly is freedom on the other side of our society’s normalization of alcohol.

Freedom is found in my daily hangover-free sunrise walks with Ted

Freedom is found in feeling and learning from all of my emotions

Freedom is found in silence

Freedom is found in Quitting and Doing Hard Things

Freedom is found in educating and advocating for myself politically

Freedom is found in creating a life I do not want to escape from

Freedom is found in my garden

Freedom is found in holding down a job and not having to call in hungover

Freedom is found in being in control of my finances because I am no longer spending all of my money on alcohol or blackout online shopping

Freedom is found in not obsessing over where my next drink will come from

Freedom is found in no longer poisoning myself

Freedom is found in learning to ask for help

Freedom is found in being fully present for my life

The next time I experience a family-related drinking trigger, I can step back, breathe deeply, and remember that freedom has already been found. The world around us is going to keep drinking for the foreseeable future. However, I do think we are on the forefront of an alcohol-free progressive era. I do think, as Holly Whitaker would say, someday soon-ish seeing people drink at the airport will be just as taboo as seeing people smoke at the airport.

I truly believe freedom has been found on the other side of the alcohol.