I have hope for the future

Ten years ago when I left eating disorder treatment for the first time, I remember being angry and constantly triggered because everyone around me was dieting. Just ten years ago the patriarchy still had full control over pop culture’s unattainable thinness and beauty standards. Body positivity did not exist. The Biggest Loser was still on TV. It was perfectly normal to bond with folks over diet talk and body hatred. Nowhere felt safe. Everything felt triggering.

Now, ten years later, the same type of thing is happening on my alcohol-free journey. There are nine different places to buy alcohol on the six block walk to my job where people openly and eagerly await beer o'clock. In the summer there is a beer drinking, bike peddling trolley that rowdily goes by my apartment every hour. My dog walking trail is littered with beer cans. I can’t even listen to Pandora without hearing a Leinenkugel’s ad. Nowhere feels safe. Everything feels triggering.

I feel angry and constantly triggered by other people's alcohol use the same way I did ten years ago with other people's diets.

The good news is, hearing about other people’s diets does not bother me the same way it used to. My anger and resentment eventually morphed into acceptance and empathy towards those who remain trapped in endless diet cycles. Last week at work, for example, a woman beamed with pride saying she had been “good” for an entire week because she avoided carbohydrates. Instead of feeling angry and triggered, I felt sad for her. I know how impossibly miserable it is to equate food restriction with goodness.

This experience with my coworker gives me hope for my future alcohol-free journey. Maybe someday other people's alcohol use won’t be so triggering. Maybe I can learn to trade my anger for empathy. I also know how impossibly miserable it is to live for beer o’clock, after all.

In 2012 it was hard to find decent articles or books on eating disorders. Now we have social media accounts solely dedicated to debunking diet culture. There has been a significant cultural shift in a single decade. Hopefully by 2032 alcohol-free lifestyles will be more normalized, mirroring today's more body-positive culture.

I am slowly learning to survive in this alcohol-obsessed world by remembering my past. If this type of a shift is possible for eating disorders, it is also possible for alcohol. I am not crazy for feeling this way. It makes sense that this is hard. Maybe things won’t change today or tomorrow, but if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, maybe in another ten years I’ll be lucky enough to witness an alcohol-free cultural revolution.

I have hope for the future.