I celebrate a Day Won

I had a slip last week. After several months without alcohol, I drank again. Since my recovery journey began ten years ago, I have been taught two completely different ways to deal with relapses. First, the most mainstream option is to go back to Day One after a slip. To delete all of the progress that has been made and shamefully collect a twenty-four hour chip. In my experience, nothing made me feel more like a failure than another Day One.

Before joining Tempest, I couldn’t figure out how to string together more than 72 consecutive hours of sobriety, so I lived in a space of constant not good enoughness. While hungover on the bathroom floor, I would beat the shit out of myself with abusive and self-berating thoughts like: “What the hell is wrong with me? How did I end up here AGAIN? Why can’t I just stop drinking? Get off the floor you piece of shit.” Understandably, this never helped me quit drinking.

The second way to deal with slips, known as The Myth of Day Ones, was introduced to me when I began my sobriety journey with Tempest 18 months ago. Tempest recovery coach Christina Hanks says the best way to reframe slips is with self-compassion. What is going to help me get back on track - kindness or shame? If I could punish myself into healing, I would not find myself hungover on the bathroom floor once again.

Hanks suggests that instead of kicking myself while I am down, I can lay on the bathroom floor with my hungover self and wipe my own tears. I can give myself the biggest hug knowing I do not have to go back to Day One. Everything I learned and all of the progress I have made before the slip does not go away, it is not erased. Instead of going back to Day One, I can simply skip a day and then proudly keep going.

Hank's words always make me emotional, “Another Day One. Does this equal failure? No way. I am a sweet and giving song of endless tryings. I am a person who loves myself enough to keep trying. Day Ones are never for a second a failure. Do you know what type of person it takes to try something 5 million times in 5 million different ways? 500 million Day Ones adds up to 500 million pieces of arriving home to myself.”

I no longer believe in Day Ones. Rather, I believe every alcohol-free day is to be celebrated as a Day Won (even if I am hungover). Slips are no longer used as fuel to beat myself up with. Now they are simply an opportunity for me to collect data points. What triggered me to drink? How can I set myself up for success moving forward? What changes do I need to make? What can I learn from this? How can I treat myself with even more self-compassion?

I have been practicing sobriety with Tempest for 532 days and have only slipped five times. That is incredible progress considering I only had a handful of sober days in all of 2019. Slipping does not make me a failure, it makes me human. I am not starting over. Nothing has been lost. I am simply learning new ways to love and nurture myself.

Instead of going back to Day One, I celebrate a Day Won.