Week number 8.
Day number 1.
Eight weeks ago today I was admitted to an inpatient eating disorder program. Eight weeks is a long time, but it feels like only yesterday. They say time flies when you're having fun. I would say the past eight weeks have been anything BUT fun. I have been challenged, pushed to my limit, striped of emotions, forced to take off the multiple masks I wear, and hardest of all, come clean about my illness.
I have been forced to be honest with myself and loved ones. It hasn't been an easy road so far and I have an overwhelming amount of work ahead of me. However, with a little help from my roommates and support system, I have learned to allow myself to see the light during my darkest days.
Finally, I have given up the thought that after almost a decade of suffering I can do this alone. I'm letting go of the idea that this will be easy. Letting go of my people pleasing tendencies, black & white thinking, and constant self critism.
Eating disorders are difficult to understand unless you live and breath it. People think things like... "Eat a sandwich, it's not that hard," or "Eating disorders are self-centered."
I'm here to come to terms with my illness and beat it for good! I have a long and difficult road ahead, but after 8 weeks of treatment I have finally realized I can't do this alone. Writing about my daily struggles will help my loved ones understand & help me realize it's OKAY to lean on others to help me through.
As I sit down to my crazy breakfast of champions- chocolate pudding & granola, I remind myself, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life..." Why not make the most of it? :)