Monday, December 10, 2012


This past week has been a difficult one for me.

 Although I have been home from treatment for a few months now, I still find myself trying to move forward. Looking back, it's easier to see the tunnel vision goggles we were all wearing during our stay in treatment. At the time it was necessary to have our entire worlds flipped upside down; instead of denying the idea of having an eating disorder, we were suddenly forced to talk about them 24/7. There was no escaping it. Eat your meals, talk about your feelings, and you will be set free. We were completely disconnected from the real world and, for me, a tremendous amount of comfort quickly developed.

As time continues to pass us by, I feel that comfort blanket slowly uncovering me and exposing me to the real world again. It feels like I'm in a strange limbo world, being forced to let go of my eating disorder supports and learn to mingle back in with the normal eaters. Where do I belong? It can be an incredibly lonely feeling to start letting go of people and situations that once brought comfort, but sadly, no longer provide healthy progress.

Without a doubt, I am the world's biggest worrier. Always developing the worst possible scenario in my head can be crippling. As I learn to let go and find my voice in recovery, I often feel an overwhelming sense of worry about what the next step is and the consequences I might face. I worry that if I continue to do what's right for my recovery, it will harm others. I worry about making the wrong decision. I worry about the discomfort change often brings. I worry that the people around me don't see the progress I've been making. I worry. I worry. I worry.

This photo and list of worries below made me chuckle. Such simple advice, but it definitely hit a soft spot for me.

Courage, cleanliness, and efficiency (I'm skipping horsemanship- kind of difficult without owning a horse) will be the only things I allow myself to worry about today. Just for one day. It takes courage to make the right decision, which will help clean up the clutter in my brain, and ultimately allow me to recover in a more efficient manor.



  1. Hey Kelsi,

    I love reading your posts...and just for today, though it is hard, I will try not to worry about mosquitoes, flies, or insects in general ;) hehehe

    1. Aww, Brenna! It's sooo good to hear from you. This made me laugh- I'm glad you are able to let go of insects just for today! :) I hope you are doing great! <3

  2. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut 31:6

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

    you are LOVED more than the greatest of "i love you's" :)

  3. I love reading you Kelsi. You're so smart, open, and honest. It's also nice to know that someone else's brain work similiar to my own. I worry about everything. I'm always imagining the worst case scenarios...
    It makes me feel better knowing you're out in the world - just like I am. I keep saying this but I think we should get together one of these days.

    1. And it's also nice for me to know someone has a similar brain as me! Thanks for sharing, Kelli. :) And I would LOVE to get together sometime! <3