I have found myself frustrated with time recently.
"Just give it time. Everything will work out."
"I know it seems impossible today, but with time it gets easier."
"Time heals everything."
I've heard it all before. Recovery from anything seems to revolve around our precious time. Although I haven't even been in recovery for a long period of time, it often feels like I've been working at this for years.
We are given twenty four hours of time every single day; some days we use those hours wisely and some days we are forced to do things we would rather run from. This morning I would have given just about anything for more time in my warm, cozy bed; while this afternoon in my biology class, I was ready to pull my hair out if the time didn't start passing faster. Why is it that more often than not, we spend just as much time wishing our time away as we do enjoying it?
Time is free,
But it's priceless.
You can't own it,
But you can use it.
You can't keep it,
But you can spend it.
Once you've lost it,
You can never get it back.
Time is free, but it's priceless. Can you think of anything else in today's society that is free? I don't think I can; but maybe that's why we take advantage of it. Most days I live my life like time will always be there, but is that really true? Typically, things that are priceless are given a high value, so why do I spend time wishing it away?
You can't own it, but you can use it. I think we all wish we could hold onto and only own the happy times in our life, but how would we ever recognize them without experiencing the bad? I actually like the thought of having the opportunity to use our bad times, but not own them. During recovery I'm often reminded of difficult times from my past, but those memories don't own me. Over time, I have learned to use my darkest days as motivation.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Every single day, I spend my time meal planning, journaling, thinking, living, breathing, and eating (haha) recovery. As much as I fight it, I can't spend the rest of my life in my comfort zone. Recovery means pushing forward and accepting change- over time. Letting go and not keeping the safe things that have gotten me to this point is something I hate, but it's necessary.
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back. Reminiscing on old, more innocent times in my life, I often find myself wishing I could turn back time and get those days back; but I can't. That's the crazy thing about time, it never stops; not for anyone.
I realize my thoughts seem all over the place tonight, but spending too much time thinking about time does that to people. Spending even more time dedicating myself to recovery than I already do seems daunting and unrealistic. Maybe putting a little more trust into to the process instead of rushing it should be prescribed.
Recovery might seem time consuming and never ending, but it's time well spent. One day I will look back on this time in my life and be thankful for what it has taught me.