Once again, instead of studying for biology, I have decided writing sounded much more appealing; hopefully this doesn't become a problem as the semester continues...
My mind is racing today. The are some very important things happening in my life right now. As I continue to progress in my recovery, things seem to get more and more difficult. Why is that? Personally, I think the opposite should be true. Right? The better my coping skills get, the easier my life should be. Apparently that isn't quite how it works.
There is something that I've been wanting to talk about for quite sometime, but haven't had the guts to do it yet. Honesty, I have learned, is the number one most important thing for me in my recovery. So if that is true, I guess it's time to share the rest of my story.
As most of you know, I recently began writing for Libero Network. After communicating with them on Twitter and volunteering to share my stories (eating disorder and alcoholism), they asked me to be a part of their team. My story about the struggles I faced with alcohol is probably the main reason I was asked to be a part of the team. Today that story was published, which probably explains why my mind is racing (Read my full story here).
For obvious reasons, I am a nervous wreck as a result. This might be too much information, but I don't think I have stopped sweating since this afternoon when I saw that picture of me and a link to my story on my Facebook newfeed; Libero Network had shared a link with the world revealing my deepest, darkest secret. This isn't something that many people in my life know about. It has been kept a secret to protect my precious pride.
Well, I can't take it anymore. For almost a year, I have kept the fact that I got a DUI a secret and it's starting to haunt me. Sharing all of my struggles with the eating disorder has allowed a tremendous weight to be lifted off my shoulders, but the shame from the alcohol abuse is still suffocating me.
Not many people realize that eating disorders and substance abuse of some kind go together quite frequently. For me, personally, once I found out drinking did a much better job of numbing my anxieties than starving myself did, it became my new addiction of choice. But for whatever reason, talking about eating disorders is much more socially acceptable than alcoholism and I think it's time to put an end to that. Yes, it's shameful and scary to talk about, but it sure beats keeping this big, black secretive cloud over my head for the rest of my life.
The reason I have chosen to share this with all of you is, I feel like I have finally reached a point where I can see my struggles with alcohol as a blessing in disguise. Without getting in trouble for my actions, it's hard to say where I would be today; that's actually a really scary thought. Today I am so thankful.
Like I have said before, my favorite recovery saying is, "You are as sick as your secrets." My secrets are officially gone.
(Serious) Progress (!!!!!)