What If... ?

I've been wanting to write a post during a time when I'm feeling a bit anxious or upset about something. Well, that time is now and I would give anything to crawl back into bed for the rest of the day.

This week has been jam packed with a wide variety of emotions and it's only Wednesday. I feel like I'm stuck on a roller coaster ride that never ends and I'm quickly feeling my breakfast creep up to the back of my throat. My mood is irritable, distracted, unfriendly, and tired. There are so many reasons to be overjoyed right now, so why don't I always feel that way? My mom greeted me with, "What's wrong with you, Wrinkle?" last night when I got home; meaning I had such an awful look on my face it was causing a wrinkle between my eyes. 

For me, this is anxiety.

My brain is in overdrive; thinking of the things I need to get done for tomorrow, the next day, next month even. That stupid to-do list has multiplied by ten million this week and I don't feel like I can handle it sometimes. Rather than focusing on the things I grateful for today, I am constantly worried about the future. What if I fail? What if I don't finish something on time or do something to the best of my ability? What if I can't handle this?

What if?

What if?

What if?

Now this might seem like a crazy idea, but what if I somehow thought of these relentless voices in my head a little differently? What if I could tell myself that it's normal to feel this way? There are so many changes taking place in my life right now, what would happen if I cut myself a little slack for a change? What if I saw this as an opportunity to grow? Unfortunately, change is inevitable; I need to find a way to stop running from it. 

Most importantly, what if I could see this as another sign of progress? For the first time in years I am not attempting to numb out and avoid all of my emotions with an eating disorder. Right now, in this moment, I am sitting with an uncomfortable feeling and that too my friends, is...

Progress.