Thursday, May 16, 2013

Food-Related Baggage

"It would be awesome if all of our
unique food-related baggage were something
we could eventually abandon
like so much unclaimed luggage at an airport
in some distant city.

Unfortunately it tends to find us wherever we go,
no matter how many times we assert
that we’ll never put on that
stupid ugly self-hating dress ever again.

Backsliding is inevitable
and it is okay when it happens;
disordered eating patterns don’t evolve
because a person is unintelligent or lazy,
they evolve as coping mechanisms
and even survival tactics.

We can’t expect ourselves to just forget the means
by which we’ve managed to get through the hard stuff,
because in most of our lives the hard stuff doesn’t stop coming
just because we’ve made efforts to address
an eating disorder or any other addictive behavior."

I stumbled across this quote sometime last fall (and I honestly don't know the source), but it seems to hold a much stronger meaning with me now than it did back then.

Recovery is difficult for many of us because we are forced to unlearn our old coping mechanisms and then slowly learn new, healthy coping mechanisms. Anytime a person practices something for an extended period of time, such as an eating disorder, it simply becomes second nature.

During the time of my eating disorder, I often felt that others saw me as unintelligent or lazy because I remained stuck in a self-destructive cycle. Why couldn't I just STOP?!

Life never stops and it is constantly changing. Although many of us with eating disorders do our best to avoid change, it is impossible to do so without consequences. So, even though food-related baggage isn't something we can necessarily abandon, through recovery, however, we are given daily opportunities to deal with it in a much healthier manner.



  1. needed this today. thanks!! <3

  2. You're welcome, Carly. See you Saturday! :)

  3. Gosh this is just like me... i feel weak because i cant just STOP this. its so ingrained in my life that its hard to break away from it. but i dont want anorexia leaching off me forever, so i have to listen to the advice ive been given and try to cut those ties. thankyou for this reminder :)

    1. It is a difficult mindset to get out of, but I think you are well on your way! :)

  4. True, very true. I don't think I will totally become obsessive-free about foods or weight. Maybe if I had a different family and different circumstances in life in the past, and etc.... but that's what contributed to create who I am today. In that sense, nothing was wrong. For some reasons, I have the issue today, and in a way, it is a part of me. I can only arrest it and do differently. Like you said, recovery makes us easier to do so little by little. Loving ourselves a whole even including our Ed part. xoxo

    1. You're right, upbringing does have a lot to do with it. I think a lot of ED patients feel like the eating disorder a part of them, too, which makes it really scary to let go of. It's hard to find out who you really are without the eating disorder. <3