Sunday, May 26, 2013

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

"Maybe you can afford to wait. 
Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow. 
Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, 
or three thousand, or ten, 
so much time you can bathe in it, 
roll around it, 
let it slide like coins through your fingers. 
So much time you can waste it. 

But for some of us there’s only today. 
And the truth is, 
you never really know."
-Lauren Oliver

One of the most common regrets among those of us in recovery takes place when we realize just how much time we wasted engaging in disordered behaviors. Looking back on the past 10 years of my life, I often kick myself for not enjoying the so-called "best years of my life," also known as my early 20s

The late teen and early 20 years are supposedly filled with a new sense of freedom after moving out of mom and dad's place and finally having the opportunity to chase your dreams. That was not the case for me, at all - eating disorder or not. At eighteen years old our society expects us to know exactly what we want to do for the rest of our lives without any real world experience. I have spent a lot of my life trying to conform into a specific group of people instead of figuring out what I want to get out of life. Trapped and inferior are the first words that come to mind when I look back at that time in my life.

 During that time I always told myself that tomorrow would be better. Tomorrow I will figure out my future plans and beat my eating disorder. Tomorrow everything would be different. 

Last night as I was sitting around a bonfire with a few of my favorite people, I began to feel that sense of regret for wasting so much time wrapped up in the hellpit that was my eating disorder. Those years were spent counting on a better tomorrow instead of living for the moment. Although I do still have a tiny bit of regret, I can finally see that without those not-so-good days, I would not have been able to sit around a bonfire last night and live in that moment.

Maybe the best years of our lives don't have to be what society says they should be. Maybe the best years of lives can be right now; no matter what age we are. Tomorrow might come and it might not, so why not make the most of today? A part of me wishes I would have learned this lesson years ago, but it's always better to be late than never get there at all.



  1. This is exactly what i needed to read right now....! thankyou for reminding me why im still doing this.
    i WILL get there and im sure that the reward will be sweeter for all the struggles i have faced on my journey.

  2. You are eloquent and humble in your recovery, which allows you to be a truly inspirational force in others lives and the world around you.

  3. I believe that we are the product of our living experiences. I believe that I have a certain depth of understanding about people and life because I took a hard way, and I am very grateful of my understanding and awareness. I might have missed all what the others went through, but I have had the greatest gifts that anybody else would wish to have. Hard experiences leave precious gifts in our lives.

    I feel sad time to time when I look at the others, but the feelings don't stay that long with me anymore. Life is interesting. Only when we go through, we know it. I look at old people, and I have a very special feeling towards them. They went through something that I might not even can imagine. I want to get old gracefully! That's my goal!

    You are such a wise person for such a young age! I am very grateful to know you! <3

    1. It's so true that difficult experiences do provide us with greater gifts than those who do not have the same experiences. I like that way of thinking. You are the wise one here... look at all you just said in that comment! :)

  4. This is my favorite post you've ever done. Absolutely perfect for a) how I'm feeling at the moment; b) just life in general, and; c) reinforcing that thought of "tomorrow isn't a promise".
    Thank you for being such a talented writer and putting this in words so perfect it was like it was written for me!
    Sending you tons of love! <3 xoxo

    1. Aw, thanks Kenzie! I miss you. Feels like it's been awhile since we last spoke. I hope you're well! <3

  5. This post hits my exactly where I am -- in the midst of the frustration and anger at all the "best years of my life" lost... Thank you for bringing hope into what felt like a hopeless situation

    1. No problem! We all need little reminders sometimes. <3