Monday, September 30, 2013

Medical Complications & Visits to the Doctor


Thanks to my overly cuddly dog who runs around in the woods, and apparently rolls around in poison ivy, I've been dealing with a pretty nasty case of the itchy stuff for the past week or so. Thankfully, I finally gave in, went to see a doctor, and was prescribed some medications to help speed up the healing process. Unfortunately, however, there are some pretty severe side effects that come along with these itch-relieving meds.

For me, nausea and water retention, neither of which are particularly helpful for someone recovering from an eating disorder, have been my symptoms for the past two days. The craziest thing of all is I'm supposed to take the meds three times a day with meals, as soon as my nausea from the previous dose wears off. So I sit down to a meal only to begin feeling like it's going to come right back up, which of course brings back not-so-pleasant memories.

Additionally, the water retention would probably make the average person feel a little bloated, but to me it feels like I have gained about fifty pounds in two days. Which of course doesn't make eating any easier. I think I'm allowed to be a little moody for the next 10 days until this round of meds is finished; if not, I'm using this as my excuse anyway.

In the past I have also spoken with individuals recovering from an eating disorder who have had some type of medical condition that hindered their eating schedule, oftentimes much worse than mine. In a way it's a perfect little excuse to avoid meeting my daily caloric requirements and a part of me is tempted to listen to that disordered part of my brain. 

The healthy side of my brain, on the other hand, knows better. Ten more days of being uncomfortable will not be the end of the world. Ten more days of missing calories might not be the end of the world either, but it certainly won't be in my best interest. So, I'm back to counting calories and good ole mechanical eating for the time being.

Also, I wanted to make sure I shared something a little more upbeat. While I was visiting the doctor, as part of their routine check up, I was forced to get weighed. They asked if I knew my approximate weight and I said no, so up on the dreaded scale I went. 


Without much hesitation I asked if I could step on the scale backwards and both nurses happily agreed. One of them even said, "We will just write your weight down on our charts and you won't have to see it! I wish I had the willpower not to look at my own weight." 

Such a relief. I wasn't sure if they had access to my previous records and knew about my eating disorder, but their response to my request was wonderful. It made my entire day. Lesson learned; don't be afraid to ask for what you need at the doctor's office. More likely than not, they will be understanding and compassionate of our requests.


Almost anything medically related can quickly turn into a trigger for those of us recovering from an eating disorder. Although there is never a good time to get sick or be covered in poison ivy, I am actually grateful this is happening to me further along in my recovery process. I have really struggled with this all week, but I think I'm finally starting to learn a lesson or two from it and see the light at the end of this (very itchy) tunnel.

Progress.



P.S. A friend of mine is participating in the Out of The Darkness Walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I actually did this walk with a couple friends of mine a year ago and it's a great cause/organization. If you are interested or have further questions, please click here!

10 comments:

  1. oh man this sounds miserable, sorry lady. and actually I still step on the scale backwards at doctors office - it is nice how respectful nurses are of that.

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    1. It was miserable, but is a million times better today. I've found some nurses are respectful and some don't quite get it.

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  2. I hope you feel better soon! I also hope you are proud once again of how you are being so intentional about maintaining recovery. One of the specialists I see once told me to be very cautious around illness. According to him, those of us with eating disorders experience chemical changes in the brain in such a way that any weight loss (even from illness) trigger those same old patterns of restrictive behaviour - so scary! Take care of you.

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    1. Yikes, that is pretty scary! I think I have heard something similar to that, but I didn't realize even just a slight weight loss could have such a major impact. I think it's better to be overly safe than sorry at this point.

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  3. Hope you feel better soon, love. <3

    Your feelings are valid. We are not obliged to be okay with everything, it is okay to be upset and to struggle. I can fully understand how these side effects make eating challenging as well as affect your body image.

    What you are doing is both brave and great - you allow yourself to feel your feelings and you try to learn from this difficult time. Keep on doing that, dear. Ask yourself what `Voice of Freedom` would encourage you to do vs `Voice of ED`. ED uses anything as an excuse to not eat, but your body needs food. Period. These side effects makes eating hard but they do not change the amount of food your body requires to maintain your health and physical strength. Do what your future self will be grateful for ( read: nourish your body and soul well.). If you find yourself in need of encouragement, do not hesitate to reach out :-)

    Beautiful Kelsi, I am proud of you for finding the courage to honor your needs. And I am glad the nurses met you with both respect and understanding.

    Praying for you and sending so much love and support. Be good to yourself. Do things you enjoy and seek sources of peace and motivation to continue choosing recovery.

    ~ Hedda.

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    1. Thank you so so much, Hedda. Your words always make me smile and feel better no matter what I am going through. Your support means the world to me. I have a busy week ahead, so it will be a nice distraction from these unhealthy thoughts! <3

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  4. i really wish you the best and that your symtoms will stop quickly :/ since a couple of month i also get water retention during my period, i nver had issues with that before and now i not only weight more i also look like i´m pregnant :O the idea of stepping on the scale backwards sounds wonderful i wish i will have this willpower too when i get weighed the next time. the only problem i have with letting go of the control by the number is my unstable body image sometimes i just feel so huge and then slim again and so on so i need something i can trust to tell me if i gained weight or not :/
    xx

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    1. I know, not looking at the number is really difficult. The last time I weight myself was about 3 months ago and it messed with my mind for weeks. This time around I knew I had enough going on to trigger me so I didn't even allow myself to go there. You will get there, too. It just takes time. Thanks for you support. xx

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  5. Skin problems are so irritating... I have a genetic skin disorder (atopic dermatitis), and really hate it when it gets worse... And, nausea and water retention... Yes, feel like I can use it as an excuse not to eat (for me at least)... I know that some people don't look at the number on a scale in a doctor's office, and I feel amazed that you were actually able to do it! You are so aware of who you are and what you need to do to take care of yourself. Your recovery gives me courage and hope! I hope your body is going to get detox from the poison! xoxo

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    1. Well thanks, Kyoko. I really appreciate your kind words today. Thankfully I am feeling much better today! <3

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