Attitude of Gratitude

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about being angry. Anger has been a major theme in my life and in my writing for most of 2022. If I am being totally honest, I think I have used anger as a source of fuel in order to survive this difficult time. Yes, anger is a natural part of any healing process. But what happens when it grows? When it goes unchecked?

The day after I wrote the It’s Okay to Be Angry post, I got sick. This makes me wonder if chugging continuous acid anger eventually causes the body to break down. It would make a lot of sense if that was true. Anger dysregulates my nervous system. It makes my shoulders and my jaw feel tense and sore. It makes it difficult for me to listen, to take in my surroundings, to properly nourish my body. Anger can create a life of tunnel vision; all I see is negativity.

About three weeks ago I signed up for Holly Whitaker’s 40 day Mantra Project. This consists of a daily email with a small written blurb, a few quotes, and a daily mantra. The day after I wrote the angry post and the day I got sick, the mantra I Have an Attitude of Gratitude serendipitously appeared in my inbox.

Holly writes: “My gratitude practice goes like this: Every time a thought creeps in to tell me about what I don't have or haven’t done, it is “simply” (and by simply I mean with a lot of work) replaced by gratitude for what I have.” According to Holly, the anecdote to anger is gratitude. I can sit here and make myself sick with anger over the things I don’t have OR I can choose to be grateful for the things I do have.

Today I am grateful that I woke up without a hangover

I am grateful for Tempest

I am grateful for my dog

I am grateful that I am no longer in legal trouble

I am grateful for all I have learned on this 10 year recovery journey

I am grateful to have a roof over my head and the ability to pay my bills

I am grateful for my huge heart

I am grateful that I have held down a job for the past 14 months

I am grateful to be alive

I am grateful for all that my body does each day

I am grateful for writing

I am grateful for so many things

When I take the time to reflect on all of the things I am grateful for, my anger is reduced. I am able to exhale a sigh of relief. My body relaxes. Gratitude is like a chill pill for my dysregulated nervous system. Sure, anger might still travel with me, but gratitude helps keep anger from fueling my bus. Anger takes a back seat when gratitude is driving.

I still believe that it is okay to be angry. All emotions are welcome. However, I no longer believe it is okay to shield myself with anger. It won’t protect me. If left unchecked, it will eventually make me physically ill.

Today I will mend my heart and my body with an attitude of gratitude.

Progress.