The holidays are here. There are only 37 more sleeps until Christmas morning. For most of my life this time of year has come with a mixed bag of heavy emotions. My overly sensitive heart throbs like an exposed nerve during the holidays. Grief, pain, loneliness, and even addiction seem to intensify amongst the hustle and bustle and excessive spending. Ever since experiencing the holidays in rehab in 2015, I seem to be acutely aware of the fact that some people don’t receive any gifts or have anyone to celebrate with.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s even possible to show up for holiday parties centered around my two drugs of choice (food and alcohol) and pretend like I’m fine with all of this bubbling beneath the surface. Sometimes I think the decorations, the lights, the carols, and the gifts are all superfluous. Sometimes I feel like the Grinch.
This morning while doing a little work in Glennon’s Doyle’s Get Untamed journal I came across a concept she calls Easy Buttons and Reset Buttons. Glennon writes, “Easy buttons are the things that appear in front of us that we want to reach for because they temporarily take us out of our feelings, pain, and stress. They do not work in the long run, because what they actually do is help us abandon ourselves. You know you’ve hit an easy button when, afterward, you feel more lost in the woods than you did before you hit it.”
Reaching for a temporary dopamine hit during the holidays feels natural. We all do it. This is not something that is unique to sobriety. Shaming myself for occasionally using an Easy Button won’t make the season any brighter. Luckily, Glennon says Reset Buttons are the tools I can use to recenter myself. They are things that make staying with myself a little more possible.
Glennon suggests making a list of Easy Buttons and Reset Buttons. My list of Easy Buttons includes: weed, alcohol, food restriction, oversleeping, overspending, overexercising, excessive caffeine, mindlessly scrolling social media, losing myself in political rage, procrastination, and isolation.
Conversely, my list of Reset Buttons includes: quiet time, writing, reading, hydrating, having a snack or a meal, hot tea or cocoa, deep breathing exercises, Grey’s Anatomy, podcasts, coloring books, meditation, crying, Taylor Swift, candles, cozy blankets, limiting social media and news, taking a short walk outside, bubble baths, and cuddling with my dog.
Numbing out with Easy Buttons ultimately leaves me feeling like garbage. Reset buttons might not completely eliminate difficult emotions, but at least they won’t leave me feeling even worse in the long run. Reset buttons should feel cathartic and reinvigorating.
One of the most well-known lines from The Grinch is: “The Grinch hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But the most likely reason of all, is that his heart was two sizes too small.”
I can definitely relate to feeling grumpy, unpleasant, and antisocial during the holidays. But, unlike The Grinch, I think it’s because my heart is actually two (or three or four) sizes too big. As a highly sensitive human, I am overwhelmed by all of the pain and all of the joy.
I’m not a mean one (🎵Mr. Grinch🎵).
I’m just a super soft one, (🎵Miss Grinch🎵)
who happens to gravitate toward Easy Buttons during the holidays.
Thankfully, this year I have a list of Reset Buttons to help fill the season with a little more comfort and joy.
Progress.
“Maybe Christmas (he thought)
doesn’t come from a store.
Maybe Christmas
perhaps means a little bit more.”
-The Grinch
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