Sunday, October 27, 2013

Halloween Insecurities

Growing up Halloween was always one of my favorite holidays. Getting dressed up, trick-or-treating, scary movies, endless candy... What's not to love?

Somewhere along the way, however, Halloween changes drastically. I remember my first big Halloween party in high school; everything was suddenly different. Girls were expected to wear the tiniest outfits they could find and candy was traded in for alcohol. Feeling awkward and out of place at these parties, as the years pasted, I stopped looking forward to this holiday.

 For the past several years, my Halloweens have been spent alone with a pile of scary movies to help distract my brain from the "what is wrong with me for not liking the young adult version of Halloween?" thoughts.

This weekend I took a road trip to visit my best friend with an original plan to attend one of these massive, drunken, slutty Halloween parties, but quickly began to feel anxious about the situation. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure (after a few drinks) it would have been a great time; however, I just couldn't find the willpower to go through with it.

Actually, somehow for the first time in my life, I did find the willpower and self-confidence to turn down an invitation that made me feel uncomfortable. So I'm left wondering why that makes me feel like a horrible person. I'm twenty-five years old. Theses parties are supposed to be my favorite thing in the world, right? And if I don't enjoy being surrounded by drunken idiots then there must be something wrong with me, right?

 Worst of all, for girls there is a pressure to dress a certain way. Halloween is the one holiday where it is not only acceptable, but also expected, to go out in public wearing next to nothing. I know this goes against popular opinion, but if I'm being totally honest, I just think it's trashy and have never been into that whole scene. It's not for me. That's not who I am. So again, why do I feel guilty and ashamed for going against this unfortunate norm?

After chatting with a friend of mine last night about my Halloween insecurities,
I finally realized two things: 
1. I'm not alone with my uncertainty and 
2. There are other ways to have just as much fun as everyone else
on Halloween without getting too crazy.

A friend of mine also expressed her fear of Halloween and the pressures to show some skin, which of course made me feel better. She decided to wear a fun costume, go out and focus on the silliness of the moment rather than her insecurities. Her exact words were, "The mental chaos will be present, but I will allow the enjoyment of the situation to be louder." Amen, sista.

As for me, I spent a day with my best friend eating pumpkin donuts and drinking fresh, local cider at a nearby farm; followed by an evening of pumpkin carving and munching on roasted pumpkin seeds. We took full advantage of what the season had to offer without all of the alcohol and skimpy outfits. Best of all, we both spent the evening being our goofy selves, laughing until it hurt, and celebrating Halloween anxiety-free.

I might not act the same as most people my age, but for the first time in my entire life I am finally okay with that. I'm learning there are other ways to have fun and feel good about myself in these situations. Just because I'm not doing what everyone else is doing does not make me crazy or wrong in any way. 

Halloween no longer needs to be about insecurities.
However I choose to celebrate is the right way to celebrate.



  1. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
    You never fail to impress me, Kels.
    Keep being YOU.

  2. I hate haloween too. It has too much satan in it for me to be comfortable celebrating it. I unfortunately locked myself in my room all day eaten alive by my insecurities instead of conquering them. Props to you for being stronger.

    1. I don't think that makes one of us stronger or weaker. We all have times where our insecurities win and that's okay. Nobody is perfect, ya know? I hope your week gets a million times better!

  3. "I might not act the same as most people my age, but for the first time in my entire life I am finally okay with that."

    I hope someday I get to that point where I can be okay with not acting the same as most people my age. I'm 20 and I hate being around drunk people and going to parties. Halloween makes it worse. I can't stand the holiday--I didn't even like it when I was little (except for the fact that there was candy involved which made it sweeter. pun intended!) and being in college, I feel like I am expected to dress up and go to the fraternity houses and party. Thank you for writing. You encourage so many people and today, as usual, you encouraged me to begin to accept myself for who I am and not be upset when I am not like others my age.

    1. Marybeth - I have never felt like I fit in with people my age. Ever. It's a huge part of the reason I failed out of college when I was 19 years old. I think what I'm learning though, is that being different in these situations is not a bad thing at all. Just because we more mature and have a good head on our shoulders should not make us feel guilty, but it does. Now that I'm 25, I still feel like I should fit in with the frat partying crowd... But WHY?! College is really hard time for those of us with these personality traits. You are not doing anything wrong at all.
      I hope you can be gentle with yourself this week and remember it's perfectly fine to be yourself. <3

  4. this post couldn't have been read at a better time :) My friends and I were just talking about how we hate the fact that Halloween is an invitation to dress a certain way, and how we hate the pressure of getting a costume. We actually just ordered tshirts online that match and we are going as "Drunk 1" and "Drunk 2" (like Dr. Seuss Thing 1 & Thing 2). Although I'm dogsitting that night and will not be getting drunk because I have to drive, it just makes me feel better knowing that I will be in a t-shirt and jeans and a a wig, not a little costume that i feel i have to act on behaviors to feel okay in and still spend my night feeling insecure about :)

    1. You're awesome, Carly! I'm not sure I would have the strength to go as a "Drunk" and not drink. I hope you have a great time and don't feel badly about your decision to drive. You will always be my biggest mentor and inspiration! <3

  5. I really do not like things called "social pressure"... What fun for the others does not have to be what fun for me, but the majority rules rule my mind. It is a challenge each time, but the more we practice, the more we become ourselves inside and out. I think those pumpkins are awesome, and this is truly my kind of "having fun" :)

    1. I really don't like them at all, either. I honestly think that's just how our society is though. If you don't go along with what everyone else is doing then there must be something wrong with you.

  6. U r an absolute inspiration