Happy One Year, Progression Obsession

One year ago today I wrote this:

"After years of obsessing over food, numbers, calories, & weight, I’m ready to make a change. Now that I’m fully committed to this little thing called recovery, I need to switch that obsession to something more productive. Every single day I’m making progress & I rarely take the time to stop and acknowledge it.

I can’t promise I will be able to update this blog every single day, but it’s worth a try. No matter how big or small the growth may be, it needs to be brought to my attention.  

Progress. Progress. Progress. My new obsession will be progress.

Welcome to my Progression Obsession. :)"

 (Full Post Here)

Honestly, it's a little difficult for me to comprehend the amount of progress that has been made over the past 365 days. I spent most of my evening last night with a box of tissues reading through all 188 posts. This year has been rough; but it's also been pretty amazing at times. The girl who wrote the original Progression Obsession post is not the same girl sitting in front of my computer today.

There are so many things to say and remember in this post. It's kind of difficult to narrow it down to a few favorite memorable moments, but I will do my best. Let's take it month by month (and be sure to click the link for the full post).

October

Remember this post from last October when my old therapist sent me to an FA (food addicts) meeting?! I was forced to stand and say "Hi, my name is Kelsi and I'm a food addict." They all talked about how flour and sugar were the devil, while I sat in the back of the room fuming. Although it wasn't funny at the time, it sure is nice to look back and laugh about it today.

November
My first Thanksgiving out of treatment was a pretty big deal. For anyone who struggles with an eating disorder, Thanksgiving, the most food-centered holiday of all, can be an extremely stressful time. Last Thanksgiving, for the first time ever, I was actually thankful to be around loved ones rather than rushing home to avoid this food-filled day.

December
I think this post, I Feel Fat, is one of my early favorites. Everyone going through recovery can relate to this post and I did my best to bring a little humor to the situation. By wearing my younger brother's shorts, who just happens to be a tall, skinny bean-pole, I was able to put my distorted body image to the test... And of course, my fat thoughts were proven wrong.

January
This was my first big month for Progression Obsession. The New Year brought new followers and a new sense of confidence in my writing. Weight Loss High has been the single most viewed post (believe it or not) on this blog. Who doesn't experience that "high" associated with losing a few pounds?

However, the two most important posts, also making the top five most viewed posts in Progression Obsession history, are Sick as Your Secrets where I admitted to struggling with alcohol and the famous Freespo post that now has its own Website.

Oh goodness, I almost forgot my First Day Back in School! I remember being just as excited to start school last January as I was 20 years ago when I started kindergarten.

February
The second month of the year was equally as impressive, if I do say so myself. Not only was I able to share my first Bacon Cheeseburger with my bacon obsessed best friend (who first met me as a sick vegetarian), but I also began to see the beginning of the Weight Redistribution Process (also in the top 5 most popular posts of all time).

March
Again, I feel like the third month of the year had so many big moments, it's difficult to know where to begin. First of all, I had a big birthday and turned the big 25. That was the first time since returning home from treatment that I found the strength to put some of my culinary skills to good use. As most of you can imagine, being an anorexic chef isn't exactly something I am proud of, so tapping those culinary skills has been somewhat triggering at times. I'd say my cake was pretty impressive...

I also had my first triggering experience with a professor in my Things Not to Say post, which got more views than I expected. It will never fail to amaze me how clueless people are when it comes to what to say and not to say to someone with an eating disorder. At the same time, it's hard enough for me to understand the disorder, so I can be somewhat empathetic.

Also, during the month of March I finally began to see in pictures just how sick I was. While comparing pictures from my intership in Aspen to pictures of me at a healthy weight, I finally saw just how sick I really was, which was HUGE.

 

April

Okay, I need to brag a little here, but I had some really great posts in April. The Perks of Being in Recovery was so popular I even sat in my living room with my dad while he read it. Crazy, I know! Celebrating Progress was another exciting post because I was officially six months out of treatment and celebrating all that had changed in my life. This post, Body Acceptance, was truly the first time I EVER felt comfortable in my own skin. And the crazy thing was, I spent the entire week on vacation, on the beach, and in my swim suit... Crazy, right?

This post, Swimsuit Shopping, is still a little embarrassing to admit I posted on the internet but just so happens to be one of those top read posts. I think there is something to be said about a healthy body in a bikini. We live in a society obsessed with skin, bones, and unhealthiness. It was a nice change for many of you to see a healthy body rocking a size XL... especially after I was tempted to buy a one-piece. :)

May

Geez, I wish I could somehow dedicate an entire post to the month of May. I published more posts during this month than any other and learned more about myself than I have in my entire life. Read the One Year Ago Today and Addiction posts and you can begin to understand why. 

Most importantly, I made the decision to bring my best friend along and attend the Annual Bridge to Recovery Walk put on by my treatment center the River Centre Clinic. I cannot say enough good things about the treatment center I went to and how the staff truly saved my life.

 This post, One Year Sober, left me with mixed emotions. While I should have been proud to hit such a huge milestone, I also felt ashamed for celebrating such a thing. The support I received from all of you after that post completely changed the way I view my past with alcohol. I can't say thank you enough.

June

Although I have said this every other month, I really think June was one of my most successful months in recovery.  The Dreaded Weight Gain Process was one of my first posts to be acknowledged on a large scale; the National Academy for Eating Disorders took this post and reblogged it for their clients to read, which was super exciting.

I met and became really good friends with one of my biggest supports in recovery, who just happened to teach me about Forgiveness. I also went back down to my old treatment center and interviewed with a local TV station for My (somewhat depressing) TV Debut. Possibly my most significant moment came when I broke my year long sobriety and Had My First Drink.

July

Once again, this was a HUGE month for me. It's kind of exciting that life continuously gets better and better as the recovery process progresses. And once again, as difficult as it is to believe, I had a few posts shared on national scale - A Friendly Reminder, I Wouldn't Want to be Any Thinner, Why Media and Body Image Aren't to Blame, Digestive Difficulties & Menstrual Regulation, and Getting Back on Track... just to name a few. Hard to believe, right?!

August

This was an up and down month for me. It started with an awesome Lunch Date with my Baby Brother who just happens to be one my biggest supports in recovery. Somehow this 21-year-old-dipshit understands my recovery on a deeper level than I ever expected. Pretty cool, dude.

I also had a great vacation and did an excellent job with Vacation Triggers. More importantly, I returned home from that vacation with Bragging Rights and newly discovered Emotional Intelligence. My host was pretty awesome, too.

 

September
Last month I was put to the test more than any other month as my perfectionistic tendencies have been getting the best of me. Even though it was an up and down month, I finally began seeing Family Parties in a new, less scary light. I also had the opportunity to bond with a cousin of mine and rode in a hot air balloon. Checking that one off my bucket list!

So, here we are one year later. As silly as it might sound, this blog has been the single most important part of my recovery to date. I know sharing my experiences has been a shock to many of you and isn't right for everyone, but I have been able to begin the process of getting to know myself as a result. Recovery is not easy, but it's worth it.

If this much progress can be made in one short year, I cannot wait to see what the next 365 days (and 188 blog posts) will bring!

Progress.