After nine days away from home and
the blogging world, I've returned with a new perspective on so many
different aspects of my life. As I make the transition back to reality,
there are a few key lessons I need to be sure to keep with me and
implement in my daily life.
Two
different nights last week ended with me feeling completely and utterly
stupid. Thanks to a group of law students and their extreme level of
book-smarts during a local trivia night, I immediately became
uncomfortable. Honestly, during the two nights combined, for a total of
100 questions, I don't think I could have answered more than 3
correctly.
As
my friend and I drove home, I confessed my feelings of inadequacy and
was immediately stopped from my typical self-destructive behavior. In
that moment, I was unaware of the idea that all humans possess different
levels of intelligence. Sure, these nerdy, book-smart law students
score way above average on standard logical intelligence tests, but how
would they score on the other 5 types of intelligence?
Verbal,
visual, physical, musical, logical, and most importantly, emotional
(combines interpersonal and introspective) intelligences can all be used
to determine how "smart" an individual is. My friend reminded me of
an incident earlier in the day where my emotional intelligence helped
pull him out of a dark, depressive negative spiral. He insisted my
intelligence was no less than anyone's at the table; it was actually
higher than most of his buddies, but on a different level.
Emotional
intelligence can be defined as the ability to perceive, control, and
evaluate emotions not only in myself, but in others as well. Some
believe that emotional intelligence is just as, if not more important
than logical intelligence in order to live a healthy and balanced life.
Over the past year of recovery, learning to be in touch with my emotions
has allowed me to develop healthier coping mechanisms and become aware
of the emotions of those around me helping build stronger relationships.
Somewhere
over the course of my life, I developed a belief that, thanks to my
mediocre grades, I must not be very smart. I am one of those people who
need to study like a maniac for basic, general ed courses; while my law
school friend could probably ace the final without attending one class.
But that doesn't mean I'm not intelligent.
My
brain works differently than most and for the first time ever, I don't
necessarily see that as a bad thing. Yes, when those law school students
asked me what I was going into and I said social work, I felt insanely
insecure because there's a good chance most of them could get a social
work degree in their sleep. However, and most importantly, that doesn't
make me any less of a person or mean I will be less successful in life.
School starts in a week and I am thrilled to start the semester with a new found sense of intelligence.
Progress.
I too am learning how important it is to throw away the idea of any comprehensive measurement of my own worth... my instinct is to make instant downward comparisons of myself. However, recovery is showing me that the only measure of my worth that matters is my own. I still have to remind myself of that about a million times a day, but I figure the first step really is just noticing that I'm making the comparison in the first place. As you say, progress. One step at a time.
ReplyDeleteComparisons are a really tough one for me, too. "The only measure of my worth that matters is my own." So well said. I just love that! <3
DeleteWhen you think about it, measuring your intelligence solely by scores of "book smarts" is just about as logical as measuring your overall attractiveness to others solely by your weight. It is admittedly a component, but not the only one by any means. But we (as ED sufferers) fall into the category of tunnel-vision. We want to see ourselves as on a level-playing field with those we look up to, and when we fall below the perceived standards our peers set, we become discouraged. It's obviously detrimental to our health in the long term to get stuck on singular views of what is smart or beautiful. We are worth so much more than that.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you came to this realization. <3 You'll be ever stronger because of it!!
Measuring intelligence and beauty are both tricky things and I'm really glad you pointed that out to me. I hadn't thought of it that way before. It seems like my brain is really good at finding the positives in others and then ignoring my own good qualities. Thanks for the encouragement, Chels! <3
DeleteIt is all about comparison. Comparison is a deadly dead end. We put ourselves down by doing that. Ms. Kelsi, you are highly intelligent, and I have felt not only thankful to have you but also amazed how smart you are in life and academically. I have been gifted to view and see people well, and I have recognized you this way. Take my words ;-)
ReplyDeleteI totally related to you for what you felt though... I feel the dumbest engineer at work everyday. My god... Engineers are so different from me, and I am also an engineer... (I wish I would be doing something else...). They are liner thinkers, and they understand complicated logic so easily and quickly. Most of time time, they don't have to see it, and that's how their brain works... Not mine. I need to see it... and I am embarrassed and feel so insecure everyday. I tell myself everyday, "Kyoko, being an engineer is only a part of you, and you are not stupid. You are a good engineer too. You are also very artistic, and educated. You are highly emotionally intelligent, which engineers don't have (well... they don't need it...). As a whole, you are not different from them. You are as smart as they." Glad that you came home safely. <3
Ohhhh Kyoko, you always make me feel better with you kind words. Comparisons are the worst and I think we both reallyyyy struggle with this. I'm so lucky to have you along this journey with me! You have an email coming very soon. xoxo
DeleteThis is something I always said I gained from treatment and going through the process of recovery - this emotional intelligence about myself and others that I can't even describe. It is like I am more in tune with the little things, those little emotions, those little triggers and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's exactly how I feel too. It's a beautiful thing! :)
DeleteWhat an intelligent post! I struggled with many of the things you described while going through college and all the way till present day. It hadn't happened in a long time, but I was talking with an older physician at a work gathering for my husband. For some reason, the way he was asking about my college education made me feel inadequate.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I catch myself using the word "just", it's often a cue that I'm feeling insecure about something that I shouldn't: "I 'just' have a bachelor's degree", or "I'm 'just' a stay at home mom". No!!! I have been called to do what I do, it is God's place for me, and I have nothing to be ashamed of! I don't have the same kind of intelligence my husband and many of his professional colleagues do. But, as doctors, some of them have crummy interactions with patients!
Each of the forms of intelligence has an important place. I *am* pretty book-smart, but in this season of life, my family needs more than that alone. Emotional intelligence is so important!!
Have a great start to the week! --Alison
Yes yes yes! I also catch myself saying "just" quite a bit when I'm feeling insecure about something. Everything seems to fall back on the not-good-enough thinking, doesn't it? My therapist and I have this conversation all the time. It always comes back to haunt me and it's frustrating. I hope you have a great start to your week as well, Alison!
DeleteHey kelsi! I've been quietly keeping track of your blog for quite a few months now. I admire your writing skills so much! You are very talented.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that people like yourself who were once having such a hard time are now recovered gives me faith and hope. My recovery started 6 months ago and today i can say i am in another stage in my journey and am so thankful for that. I surely still struggle with body image but today i found myself laughing once again and it was magical. I want to thank you, because you may not know me but your writing helped me in times of darkness, to feel i was not alone. Sometimes we may not be aware of the power we have within and i'm sure there's lots of other people like myself you have helped with your writing. Keep up the good work kelsi!
Ps. I'm from south america so excuse my english :)
Wow Greta, I'm not even sure how to respond to that. Thank you SO much for your kind words. It still seems bizarre to me that this blog is that helpful. Congrats on six months of recovery! That is a huge accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself! :) I still struggle with body image sometimes too, but as you are finding, it does get better. Thanks again for such a lovely comment, Greta (it made me cry a few happy tears haha).
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your English is perfectly fine! <3
Eh we probably couldn't all get Social Work degrees, and everyone you told about your program of study was very impressed and complimentary.
ReplyDeleteps. I do ace my finals, but I also study like an insane person to do so. Everyone has to work at their craft to be good at it. Even me.
You're right. They were nice about my chosen field of study, yet I still made myself believe they looked down upon it. Funny how that works. Law and social work are two completely different things and can't really be compared. And I know you do work crazy hard. I admire that about you.
DeletePps. You are still way smarter than anyone I've ever met. Not even pills can fix my bipolar depression when it hits like it did.
DeleteI didn't "fix" anything, YOU did. The mind is a powerful thing. But if you want to call me smart, I will gladly accept. :)
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