Friday, July 26, 2013

A Friendly Reminder

"People are somehow hypnotized by this belief 
that if they reject and shame and deprive themselves enough, 
they will end up happy, loving, self-accepting people – and thin. 

So what I say over and over again 
is that the means to the end cannot be separated from the end. 
If you shame and deprive yourself into losing weight, 
you will end up a shamed and deprived person 
who might also have thin hips for ten minutes. 

The shame and the deprivation will lead to more eating, 
and you’ll gain all the weight back. 
So the process itself is the goal. 
I think kindness is the name of the game here, all the way through. 

Is it hard? Yes. 
Do we learn that easily? No. 
Do many people model that? No. 
Does self-rejection and shame and punishment and guilt and fear work on any level for any kind of long-lasting change? No. 
And everybody who’s ever been on a diet knows that."
- Geneen Roth

 The only weight you need to shed is the one parked heavily on your shoulders, screaming ‘You should not exist’ because of your size.



  1. Its kind of scary that the dialogue in the pictur exactly shows what i´ve been thinking about the last couple of days.
    I think i need some advide. Im not scared i gained a lot of weight at the moment, i´m scared i accidently lost too much weight.
    Do you think i should weight myself so i know i HAVE to eat some more to stay in the healthy range ? I keep saying "i should" "i will" but then i end up undereating almost every day. ( not extremly but definitely)
    I love the last sentence !
    Keep going, lovely xx

    1. Yikes, that is a really tough question. We both know everyone is different, but for me the method that has worked the best is having my therapist weigh me without telling me the number. I have a 5lb range that I am supposed to stay in and if I go out of that range she tells me and I adjust my meal plan for the following week. If you have someone you feel comfortable weighing you that might be a good option. Because for me, when I do see the number, no matter what it is, I still feel like I need to lose more. So if I do start losing it becomes exciting and it's hard to get out of that mindset. I just say no to the scale. Period. Haha.
      Great question though - I think many people probably wonder this all the time! xx

    2. thanks a lot for your advice ! the problem is that i have no idea how much i used too weight before i started to struggle with eating enough. i´ve never weighed myself in recovery i got only weighed by the doctor two times. the last time is about a month ago and i had just hitted the healthy weight range so i could easily gained some more but also maintained. its been similar for me in the past when i accidently lost weight once - it was triggering to lose more. but know i really really hope its not too low because losing more would mean losing my period (and getting it back was one of my main recovery/gainign weight reasons) or i´d have to gain weight wich would´t make me feel comfortable. just eating some more woud be easiest but im not sure whether i can get myself to do so :/ xx

    3. It really is a difficult process, isn't it?! As long as you are doing the best you can everyday with the tools you have been given, that is all anyone can ask of you. Eventually your body will even out at it's "happy weight."

  2. This post is why weight restoration alone will not "cure" an eating disorder. EDs are so much more than that -- it's the guilt, the thought that we aren't enough, the willingness to destroy ourselves because we think that is all we deserve. It's the reversal of that thought process that will bring sustained recovery.
    Thank you for the reminder. :)

    1. Exactly. There is soooo much more to recovery than the weight gain. It's frustrating that we appear to be physically healthy, but mentally are still struggling.

  3. Your last comment, Kelsi, struck a chord with me. I am living proof of struggling on and off mentally with disordered thinking while maintaining overall physical health. I've had the same general number on the scale for over ten years, but last week was the very first time someone asked me if I do/have ever been diagnosed with an ed or had any complications because of my build (it was a nurse who called from our insurance company to ask follow up Q's to our application). I truthfully said no, because everything has been "fine" on the outside.

    On the inside, in my mind, those whispers of inadequacy, of fear, of guilt, try to come. They have been in and out of my life for more than 15 years!

    It must be a transformation of the heart, to truly overcome the snare of an ed or really anything that keeps us tied up mentally. Thank you for this reminder! --Alison

    1. Yes, Alison. I think professionals sometimes even forget that eating disorders are an extremely mental disease. Although some of us appear to be healthy on the outside, mentally we are completely consumed in self destructive thoughts. The heart is a powerful thing and can take many, many years to change, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. <3

    2. I believe all things are possible when the heart is open and ready for change!

  4. I am just curious if you know who drew this?

    1. I think it came from this site -

    2. Thank you! :)