Friday, July 12, 2013


I'm trying to figure out how I have made it this far along in recovery and not written about perfectionism. Just in the past week alone, I have caught myself multiple times thinking, "When I was in my eating disorder, I had to be perfect at that. Now that I'm in recovery, however, I constantly feel like I need to be perfect at recovering. It's like a no-win situation." Seeing that written out makes me realize how ridiculous that sounds, but those thoughts still weigh heavily in my mind.

Perfectionism is something that has haunted my every move for as long as I can remember. Those "not good enough" thoughts are in direct relation to this need to constantly excel. From what I have seen and learned, perfectionism is an extremely common trait among those of us with eating disorders. Instead of writing a novel about this subject (because I easily could), I found this quote that says everything I need to say about perfectionism.

"Assuming failure is a self-fulfilling prophecy. 
When we’re already convinced that we’re going to fail, 
we don’t try very hard. 
And naturally, by putting in minimal effort, 
whatever we’re trying to do or create isn’t going to turn out 
as well as it could have had we believed in ourselves. 
But instead of recognizing that, 
we use it as proof that we’re inadequate and decide to give up —
making our fear of failure a reality. 

In order to break that cycle, 
we have to be okay with making mistakes and being imperfect. 
Because the reality is that no one is perfect —
even the most talented people mess up.  
And that’s okay. 

Failing at something doesn’t mean making mistakes. 
It doesn’t mean faltering or falling down. 
It means staying down.
As long as you keep getting back up. 
As long as you keep learning from your mistakes and making an effort, 
you are never failing

And if you’re having fun and enjoying yourself, 
it doesn’t matter how good you are. 
What matters it that you’re trying, 
putting yourself out there, 
and honoring what you’re passionate about. 
All you can do is your best, and at the end of the day,  
it’s enough."
Daniell Koepke

My hope is that this quote resonates with all of my fellow perfectionists as much as it does with me. Although I try, I am nowhere near perfect in my recovery; however, I'm starting to realize that my mistakes don't make me failure.



  1. I just stole that quote!
    Love love love it. (:

  2. Recovery is a funny thing in a way, because our character defects get into that too and trying to be Ms. Perfect again. I am the same way =) Somehow, we start to get infected by the disease without our knowing it... I think that's why recovery is a process, not a goal. We keep working on it, and it always get better. There is no way to be a failure in life, because it is something that we just do. I tell myself, "there is enough", and it is one of my favorite affirmation. Thank you for your post, because I so needed to hear this today. <3

    1. I think I could read this several times a day and it would still take awhile to set in. I'm glad I'm not alone in this! <3 xx

  3. Replies
    1. It took me awhile to figure this out lol.... You are the biggest perfectionist I've ever met.

  4. I am married to a perfectionist and am mother to two perfectionists, and I suppose there are some perfectionist tendencies in me, too (understatement?). Teaching our kids that mistakes do not equate failure is so important. Every time I get to encourage them in something, I realize how much I still need to hear that message, too. When I feel inadequate, I often freeze up and berate myself. It is easy to offer wisdom and harder to let it sink into our own hearts sometimes.
    Learning how to struggle, how to persevere, how to change course in order to succeed, are lessons we learn by doing them! Not one single person is perfect. I have learned to fall back on God's grace every time I fall down. Grace lifts me up again so I can get back on course. Press on!!

    1. Yes - you nailed it when you said it's easy to offer wisdom to others but then harder to let it sink into our own hearts. Why is that?? You're right that no one is perfect, we just seem to think we can be the exception. Thanks for the encouragement! :)